Scared of the Dark
by The Quirky Quill
Summary: I am Lily Evans. Join the Marauders and me as we accept the fact that we're almost adults in a world torn apart by a war and decide what exactly we're going to do about it.
1. Chapter 1

**_Chapter One_**

Tap. Tap tap. Tap tap tap.

I groaned and burrowed farther into my pillow, determined to block out the unpleasant world around me, noises and all.

TAP TAP TAP.

I opened one eye to look for the source of the noise when a small, fluffy black owl swooped in and banged against my window again. I removed myself from my haven of warm comfort and stumbled towards the window, tripping over a potions textbook and almost falling on my face.

Regaining my balance, I cursed my messy room as I shoved the window open and snatched the owl from the air. I wriggled the roll of parchment off his leg and set it on the desk. He hooted sweetly and hopped over to the water dish and owl treats I had set out for my own owl, Agrippa, who was off delivering a letter to my best friend.

"Bloody owl post," I grumbled, slamming the window behind the owl as he took off again. I picked my way across my room and wriggled beneath my blankets again, forgetting the letter, trying to regain my blissful state of sleep.

"Lilllyyy!"

Noooooo.

The universe does not want me to sleep. My last week of summer vacation, too.

"Lily!" My mother knocked hard on my door. "We have a dress fitting at eleven!" The door swung open and her eyes widened. "You're still in bed? We have to leave in ten minutes. Petunia's going to have a fit."

Petunia's fits were a frequent occurrence, but still awful to behold, so I quickly pushed my covers back and hopped up. "I'm up," I said quickly. "Five minutes, I'll be downstairs."

My mother ground the heel of her palm into her forehead. "Don't tell Petunia," she said, rolling her eyes, "but at the moment I'm wishing she and Vernon would just elope."

I sniggered.

She glared at me. "So help me, when you get married-"

"No worries, Mum, I haven't even got a boyfriend," I replied, shutting the door in her laughing face and sprinting to my dresser. I scrambled into some ratty denim shorts and a t-shirt, dragged a brush through my long, bright red hair, and seized my wand. After some contemplation, I slid it under my shirt into the waistband of my shorts. Muggle clothing provided less handy wand storage opportunities than wizard robes.

I entered the kitchen to find my older sister, Petunia, nearly hyperventilating.

"Mum! She's going to make us late! She always ruins everything, if she wasn't my sister she wouldn't have been a bridesmaid, the freak."

I bit my lip. Even though Petunia had expressed blatant dislike for me and my "freakishness" for years, her words still carried a slight sting. This was the first summer I could use magic outside of Hogwarts, and my "mad-stick-waving" had made her even more irritated with me.

"Look at her!" she shrilled, noticing my entrance. "Lily, you look like a ragamuffin. We're going somewhere nice. And leave your magic stick at home."

"It's a dress fitting, Pet, I won't have my clothes on half the time," I snapped, picking up a banana and ignoring her jab at my wand.

"Girls," My mother sounded wearied and stern. "Stop. Petunia, be more gracious towards Lily. Lily, Petunia is stressed, don't incite her."

We both fell into an irritated silence-frigid, tense, and decidedly uncomfortable.

At last, we reached the dress shop. Petunia's three other bridesmaids, her friends from school, met us there. Their mindless chatter relieved the silence without requiring any speech on my part, happily. I tuned out their conversation and wondered vaguely if I should attempt to find a date to the wedding.

The bridesmaid's dresses were pale orange-"creamy mandrain", according to the sales assistant. The color looked rather strange with my bright green eyes and dark red hair. I didn't really care. It was Pet's wedding, I certainly wasn't aiming to impress.

After nearly three hours of torturous conversation-"So, Lily, do you have a boyfriend? Or are all the boys at your school for the gifted nerds?"-and giggles, sharp pins poking me, and various comments on my "interesting" hair and eyes, I was ready to avada kedavra the lot of them.

When we pulled into our driveway, I could have cried with relief. I could only stand so much time in Petunia's company. I retreated to my room to tidy it a bit and shove a few odds and ends into my school trunk. I left for Hogwarts in less than a week-September first was so gloriously close.

Unfortunately, I would be back for Petunia's wedding in mid-September. But I was trying not to think about that.

I bent to pick up a shiny badge that fell off my desk and smiled widely to myself. Head Girl. Head Girl! I reveled in my self-congratulations a moment longer, wondering briefly who the Head Boy was. Probably Remus, or perhaps the Ravenclaw prefect...I shrugged it off and picked up a quill and a few scraps of parchment off my desk to toss in my trunk. My eyes caught the letter from this morning. I fingered the parchment curiously; the handwriting wasn't Marlene's or Alice's-I wondered who was writing to me. I unfolded it.

Lily,

There are a few things I need to discuss with

you. I hate to intrude, but it's rather important. I'll

drop by your house at 4. Reply if that won't

work.

James Potter

Blunt. Brief. I frowned down at the words. James and I had a rather tumultuous history, but towards the end of sixth year he had definitely gained a new maturity and we had parted on civil terms. Friendly, even, but we certainly weren't close enough to warrant "dropping by". I glanced and the clock and gaped for a second-4:05. James Potter was going to appear in my front yard at any moment. How did he even get my address?

As I hurried downstairs, I heard a dull roar. Was that a...motorbike? I peered out the front window and stared at the sight. James was parked across the street, astride a large black motorbike, staring directly at my house. He hopped off and sauntered towards my front porch.

I sprung to the door and opened it. He was caught in a rather comical position, fist poised to knock and a surprised look on his face. I frowned up at him.

"Er...Hi," he said awkwardly, his hand moving to his hair. Before it reached the messy black mop, he dropped it abruptly.

The whole picture was rather amusing-James had always been cocky, never lacking in confidence, but now he looked almost...nervous?

"Hey," I said. "Uh, come in?"

He stepped inside, hands in the pockets of his...jeans?

"You're wearing muggle clothes?" I asked in confusion. Oops. I hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"Oh," he said, looking rather surprised, "Well...you live in muggle London. I couldn't really come prancing about in wizard robes. And Sirius' bike is easier to ride in...pants."

"Ah." I peered around him to glimpse the motorbike again. "Isn't that...dangerous?"

He grinned. "I'm a marauder. I play Quidditch on flying broomsticks over fifty feet in the air. It's charmed, anyway. I won't get hurt. And since when is Lily Evans so concerned for my welfare?" he teased.

"Just curious," I said, pursing my lips. "Tea?" I inquired politely, leading him into the living room. I curled up in my favorite chair and he took a seat on the couch.

"No, thanks," he answered. "Well," he began uncertainly, "I suppose your wondering why I'm here."

"The thought did cross my, mind, yes," I replied dryly.

He leaned back and sighed, ruffling his hair desperately. "I'm not sure how to say this."

I rolled my eyes. "Open your mouth, say the words." Really, who kidnapped the James Potter I knew?

He blinked nervously at me. "I'm a bit afraid of your reaction."

This cannot be good.

He squeezed his eyes shut. "Imheadboy."

"What?" Oh Merlin, please let me have heard him wrong. Why on earth would Professor Dumbledore make Potter Head Boy? He may have matured, but surely that didn't make up for his years of horrible behavior. He wasn't even a prefect.

He evaluated my expression cautiously, obviously wondering if I was planning on pulling out my wand and hexing him. He had been on the receiving end of my hexes, and it hadn't been pretty. Needless to say, he always deserved it.

"How'd you know I was Head Girl?" Of all my questions, this was the one that decided to pop out of my mouth.

He looked surprised at my mild reaction. "Er, my letter mentioned it."

I frowned. Why hadn't I been told Potter was Head Boy? James, I reminded myself. We're not enemies anymore, civil acquaintances use their given names.

"Look, I know it's unexpected," James mumbled. "I mean, Dumbledore must have a really odd, twisted sense of humour. I just wanted to tell you, so you wouldn't be so shocked when school starts...I know I don't deserve it, but I'm going to do my best to try and earn that right, to deserve it, I mean; it should have been Moony-Remus, I mean-or one of the prefects, but, uh,-"

"No," I cut him off, "I think Dumbledore had the right idea. A bit unorthodox, but brilliant, really." Oh, Merlin. Where were these words coming from? Certainly not my mouth, nor my brain. "I mean, you're a natural leader, and the students need a leader in times like these-not just a goody two shoes who will hand out detention to kids snogging in broom closets after curfew. The students respect you, you may have to prove you're serious, but they look up to you. I think...Dumbledore wasn't as crazy as some people might think." I trailed off, wondering just where that little speech had sprouted from. I felt my cheeks redden in embarrassment.

James was gaping openly at me. "Thanks," he finally managed. After a moment he pulled himself together and added hesitantly, "That's not all, though."

I raised one eyebrow inquiringly, trying to recover from my speech.

"I know Alice graduated last year.-and Marlene's moved to France-and I didn't know if you'd gotten your things from Diagon Alley yet. It's not much fun to go alone, and I'm meeting Sirius and the others there tomorrow morning..." he trailed off uncertainly, then continued: "You're welcome to meet us there. I mean, I suppose we'll be seeing a lot of each other this year, so it would be nice if you could stand my company. Friends, even?"

I frowned slightly and irritation welled up. Was he suggesting I had no friends? I squelched my anger; he was simply trying to be nice. Besides, it was the truth. I didn't really have any close friends this year. I was well liked by most everyone at Hogwarts, barring the Slytherins, of course, but had only become close with a few people. Severus Snape, my childhood best friend, but we had drifted apart until he made the final break in fifth year. I had been close to Marlene McKinnon, a girl in my year and house, ever since first year, when our beds were next to each other, but her father had a new job at the French Ministry of Magic, and she was finishing her education at Beauxbatons. Alice Livingstone-a year my senior, also a Gryffindor, and last year's head girl, was entering auror training with her fiance, Frank Longbottom. Alice was like the older sister that, thanks to Petunia, I never had.

James interrupted my train of thoughts with, "Meet you in the Leaky Cauldron at half eleven?"

Why not, I thought. After all, I have to learn to get along properly with him, spend more time with him. "Sure," I answered finally.

James nodded. "All right, then. Good seeing you." He stood and I followed him to the door.

"James..." I began, my curiosity overcoming my desire to be polite, "why didn't you just write and tell me?"

"Oh," he ruffled his hair uncomfortably. "I didn't really have anything to do today...and I wanted to try out Sirius' new motorbike." His face brightened. "It flies," he added excitedly.

I laughed. Of course Sirius Black would own a flying motorbike.

"Want to ride it?"

Was not expecting that. "Uh...I can't drive one of those!"

He chuckled deeply. "I meant with me. It fits two people, you know."

"Oh!" I flushed red. Oh, why the bloody hell not? "Sure! Just let me get my jacket and tell my mum I'm going out."

As I rushed downstairs, struggling into my jacket, I wondered what on earth was wrong with me today. First, I had a completely friendly conversation with James Potter. Sure, we had been civil towards the end of last year, but our "relationship" hadn't actually involved conversation. Second, I was okay with the fact he was Head Boy. Third, I just agreed to ride with him on a flying motorbike. I was behaving as though he had confunded me. Oh well. This was my last summer before I had to embrace the real world and responsibilities of adulthood. Might as well live a little.

"I'm going out, Mum!" I shouted into the kitchen, already halfway out the door.

"Be back in time for dinner!" she yelled back. "Vernon's coming over."

I groaned as I crossed the street, muttering under my breath about nasty men and my nasty sister. James was astride the bike already, looking suave and casual. It was rather amusing. I clambered up behind him and realized that I was going to have to hold on to his...waist.

"Hold on tight," he advised, confirming my suspicions. I placed my hands loosely on either side of his waist. "Tighter, Lily." I could hear his eye-roll in his voice. "This flies, remember?" I gripped tighter. He revved the engine and took off.

Into the air. "James!" I hissed. "This is a muggle neighborhood! Muggle motorbikes don't...fly."

"I know that," he said indignantly. "I've taken Muggle Studies! This has an invisibility thing..."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So." Suddenly, I found myself laughing. "I don't think we can carry on a normal conversation," I finally managed. "We've never had much practice. Either I was snipping at you, or yelling at you, or hexing you, or ignoring you...or you were asking me out." Oops. I hadn't meant to bring up that potentially awkward subject.

"Well," he answered easily, "how's this for a start: how was your summer vacation, Lily Evans?"

"Terrible," I grumbled. "My older sister is getting married in September and I've been in the middle of all the wedding plans. She doesn't like me, and I don't like her fiance."

And just like that, any awkwardness dissolved.. James, I discovered, was easy to talk to and actually seemed nice.

Well.

We touched down and puttered to a stop in front of my house a while later. I hopped off, thanking James for the ride and promising to meet him the next day. He dismounted too, obviously meaning to walk me to the door.

Since when was James Potter a gentleman?

No sooner had I set foot on my front porch than the door swung open and my frazzled looking mother revealed herself. "Lily! I need you to set the table, Vernon's going to be over any minute, the pasta sauce isn't coming together properly and Petunia wants to tell him about your magic tonight!"

I stared at her. "She hasn't told him yet?" So the man has no idea what he's marrying into. Lovely. And if he's anything like Pet...

My mother seemed to register James' presence for the first time. "Who's this, Lily?" she prompted.

"Er..." I trailed off helplessly. Thank goodness for James' sudden manners.

He stepped up and offered his hand to my mother. "James Potter, ma'am. Mrs. Evans, I presume?"

Good lord. The man sounded like he had stepped straight out of Pride and Prejudice. I stared at him as though he was a new and rather strange species of animal.

My mother sent me a disapproving look at my failure to introduce him. "Yes, please call me Rose." Her face brightened suddenly. Oh no. "You're welcome to stay for dinner."

James looked rather surprised. "I couldn't impose."

My mother's facade, or what was left of it, crumbled. She looked rather mad, as though she might start ripping out her hair in a moment. "Please stay," she practically begged. "My son-in-law-to-be is coming to dinner and he's absolutely dreadful." She shot me a look. "And Lily might behave better with a friend over."

"Mum!" I protested, flushing red. "I behave just fine!"

"You're staying," she said to James, who nodded mutely. "Table settings," she said to me, then walked back into the kitchen.

"Well," I said weakly. "Help me set the table?"

Me, my life, and everyone in my life has gone raving mad. Lovely.


	2. Chapter 2

**Not J.K. Rowling. Although I do wish I owned James, thankyouverymuch.**

**Author's Note:**

**I knew what I wanted to do with this chapter content-wise, but had a bit of trouble writing it. Apologies for any awkward dialogue or out-of-characterness!**

**Also, to the two people who reviewed, I lovveee youuu! You have no idea how excited I was to see I had two reviews! A bit pathetic. ;) Next chapter should be up by next weekend-Wednesday if I'm on the ball. I hope to upload 2-3 chapters next week, but we'll see.**

**I'm also still trying to figure out how exactly to work the Doc manager. :( Sorry about any formatting issues, etc.  
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**Mischief Managed,**

**The Quirky Quill**

"Petunia," my mum said, narrowing her eyes at my sister. "Lily." I received the same slightly scary look. "You are both going to behave tonight." After Vernon had arrived, she had dragged Pet and me into the kitchen to 'talk'.

I fidgeted uncomfortably. Last time Vernon came over, I had a sudden burst of immaturity and hit him with an itching hex. Since he didn't know about my magic, he didn't have an explanation for the sudden, violent itching and had made a quick escape.

"Lily-you may not like Vernon very well, but he's about to become family; the least you can do is treat him politely. Petunia-please refrain from making derisive comments about your sister. You both only have one sister, and your relationship can only take so much," she warned.

"I'm going to tell Vernon about Lily's abnormality after dinner," Petunia broke in. "I wouldn't want him to lose his appetite."

I scowled at her. She turned up her nose at me and flounced into the dining room.

"Lily," my mum said softly. I turned to look at her. "Your dad and I are so proud of you. Try not to let Petunia's words hurt you. Her behavior is inexcusable, if explainable. She was jealous, you know, when you received your Hogwarts letter. Jealous that you were special. And then you left to go to school and she felt as though she'd lost you. Granted, you tried to keep in touch, but she made her decision, and I can't change that. But even if you can't be the friends you once were, try to be happy for her. She can be insecure, and she's found security in what she considers a 'normal' life-the life Vernon will give her. I know Vernon isn't your idea of happiness-he certainly wouldn't be mine-but being happy for Petunia's the best thing you can do for her right now."

"She's going to make me sound like a freak, mum," I said bitterly. "She won't be able to tell Vernon about my magic without making me look bad."

My mum gave a small smile. "Your dad and I know you're not a freak, Lils, and James is a wizard, so he probably thinks we're freaky. What is it you call us non-magical people-mungles?"

"Muggles, mum." I smiled in spite of myself.

"Anyway, the only one who's opinion of you may be affected tonight is Vernon's, and do you really care what he thinks?"

I laughed, then. "I don't. Frankly, I hope he's frightened of me. I suppose terror is the next best thing to respect."

Mum laughed. "All right, then. Into battle we go," she joked. She had managed to relax since her near nervous-breakdown earlier.

Dinner was not a pleasant affair. After briefly interrogating James about our school-"co-ed, is it? Schools are becoming so liberal nowadays."-Vernon turned the conversation towards himself. He worked at a company that made drills. These drills were, I discovered, hardly an enthralling subject.

When the conversation began to shut down my brain and make my eyes glaze over, I turned my attention from the constantly moving mustache to James, who was politely listening to the mustached monster drone on about his precious drills.

James hadn't said much during dinner-I had briefed him before Vernon's arrival on the situation and he knew not to mention anything remotely related to the wizarding world. Unfortunately, as a pureblood, this restricted him to complimenting my mother on the food. Even this was rather dangerous, I discovered.

"Mrs. Evans, you cook as well as our house-elves."

I glared at him pointedly. He choked on his red wine. "House-maid," he finally gasped out. "You cook as well as our housemaid. She's from Italy," he added hurriedly. I brought my napkin to my face to disguise the fit of giggles threatening to erupt.

"Thank you, dear," my mum said, raising one eyebrow.

"So, John," Vernon said in a bored voice. "Play any sports at this school of yours? Or do you prefer the library?"

I nearly lost control then and there. I don't think I had ever seen James in the library in all six years of Hogwarts, even during our OWLs in fifth year.

"James," James corrected politely, his laughing eyes meeting mine for a moment. "I'm actually captain of our-uh-"

"Cricket," I mouthed to him.

"Crooked team?" James finished, looking rather puzzled.

My father, whom I had told all about Quidditch, and had caught our exchange, didn't bother to hide his amusement. "Ah, Crooked," he declared. "Such an...invigorating sport. I think we should move this little conversation to the sitting room, no? Who wants coffee?" He glanced pointedly at Petunia, who pursed her lips and flushed pink with annoyance.

"Vernon," proclaimed Petunia dramatically, "I have something I must tell you."

We had all settled into the living room with our coffee and were ensconced by an awkward silence when Petunia finally spoke.

"It's a family issue," Petunia continued, looking down her nose at me. I bristled under her glare. "Lily has a little problem."

Be happy for her. Happy for her. He's making her happy. You don't care what she says, because Vernon's opinion doesn't matter. Happy. UGH.

"She's a witch."

That was tactful, Petunia dear. Believable, too. I rolled my eyes.

Vernon looked incredulous. "Excuse me?

"A witc. Magic," Petunia said petulantly.

I pulled my wand out reflexively-unfortunately, I had forgotten I had stored it down the front of my dress. James' eyes widened, my mother raised her eyebrows, and my dad looked a bit annoyed. Oh well. There were bigger problems at hand. Namely, Vernon.

I flicked my wand lazily and Vernon's coffee cup-turned-mouse hopped off his saucer and scuttled under the china cabinet. I hid a smirk as his eyes bugged out unattractively and he gaped at me.

As Petunia didn't seem inclined to say anything, I leaned back in my seat and said bluntly, "I'm a witch. I can do magic. I go to Hogwarts, a school for witches and wizards, and I am rather adept at turning people into toads." The last was a lie, of course, and anyway, James was the natural at transfiguration. I could charm him green though, as he was already rather toad-like...

Vernon seemed to connect the dots and his gaze darted nervously towards James.

"Yes," I said, enjoying his discomfort. "James is a wizard. And he's even better at turning people into toads than I am."

My dad shot me a reproving glance, but I saw amusement in his eyes. My mum's lips were quivering slightly, as though she were holding back a laugh.

"Now that you've told him," James finally cut in, "can someone explain what this 'Crooked' sport is? And what is a drill?"

I snickered as Vernon gaped in James in astonishment. "You...don't know...what a drill is?" he stammered.

James frowned. "Well, I gathered it was some muggle contraption, but-"

"Muggle?" interrupted Vernon, beginning to sound hysterical.

"Vernon, I understand this is all a bit much," My mum broke in soothingly, "but I'm sure you understand that Petunia wanted you to know."

"I didn't," Petunia muttered.

"I wouldn't tell anyone if I had a...freak in the family!" Vernon exclaimed, his florid complexion darkening.

My dad's face went stony. "We're delighted that Lily has magic," he said stiffly. "She's a hard worker and no more abnormal than either you or Petunia."

Vernon grimaced. "Of course I wouldn't dream of breaking our engagement..."

Oi! I should bloody well hope not! I addressed and stamped every one of your invitations, you little...

"...just because Petunia has a sister with, er, problems. But," he added, "I don't want her kind around us. They can't come to the wedding and I don't want Petunia associating with them once we're married."

He's setting terms? "I'm afraid," I said icily, "that you can't prevent me from ever seeing my sister. Blood ties are strong, you know. I'm also a bridesmaid, not to mention James is my date to the wedding." Oops...I hazarded a glance at James. His eyebrows had risen and disppeared beneath his messy black hair.

"Vernon," Petunia intoned in a high-pitched voice, "I think we should leave now."

She seized his thick arm and they hastened from the room. Moments later I heard the click of the front door closing.

James had an undecipherable expression on his face. "Could I have a word with you, James?" I asked hesitantly.

He followed me into the hall. "Do you mind going to the wedding with me, as friends, you know? I just wanted to annoy Vernon, and having a witch AND a wizard at his wedding will certainly do the trick. You don't have to, though, if you'd rather not, although-"

He grinned. "You're babbling, Lily."

I felt myself flush red.

"But I don't mind going with you. As friends, of course. I'll need muggle formal wear, though. I think he might actually try to murder me if I showed up in dress robes." He grimaced.

"So James Potter can take on the Slytherins but he's scared of Vernon Dursley," I teased.

"Hardly," he scoffed, "but I might accidentally kill him instead and I don't fancy a jaunt in Azkaban."

I rolled my eyes. "Sorry about that scene," I mumbled a bit embarrassingly.

"Don't apologize. Petunia and the walrus are exactly as you described them."

"The walrus?" I laughed.

"Well, you know how I am about nicknames. Fits, too," he replied.

We returned to the sitting room to see my mom leaning back in her chair, eyes shut, and my dad staring broodingly at the wall, turning his glass in his fingers. He looked up at our entrance. "So, you two are together?"

"No!" James and I exclaimed at the same time.

My parents both raised their eyebrows.

"We're just going to the wedding as friends. Petunia wanted me to have a date, and I kind of wanted to annoy her and Vernon," I admitted, feeling rather immature.

"Oh," said my dad, sounding happier. "Well, it will annoy them all right. I can only hope Lily's taste in men is better that Petunia's, when the time comes," he added.

James' lips twitched slightly. I flushed.

"I'm really sorry about that," my mum apologized. "That was a rather dramatic...spat."

James grinned. "I wouldn't have missed Lily turning threatening to turn Vernon into a toad for the world."

Of course.

"So, James," my Father began, changing the subject, "Lily tells me you're the Gryffindor Quidditch captain. Makes non-magic sports seem rather...lame," he added ruefully.

James grinned. "Don't know much about muggle sports, but I'm rather fond of Quidditch."

"Obsessed," I coughed.

"And you're, Head Boy with Lily, isn't that right?" my father asked, ignoring me.

"Yes," answered James, winking at me.

They began to discuss Quidditch and my mum and I headed to the kitchen to clean up.

"He's a nice boy," my mum said conversationally as I joined her at the sink. "Nicer than Vernon," she added.

My eyes widened at what she was insinuating. "Mum! No! We-we're just friends. Nothing more. A relationship would never work out," I finished firmly.

She merely smiled. I frowned, annoyed.

"Really," I insisted.

"Good-looking too," she smiled. "That messy black hair and those dreamy hazel eyes. Quid-whatever the sport is-has done his body good, too. His _arms_."

I was fairly sure my face and hair were matching. I buried my flaming face in my hands. "Mum, ew! That's just wrong!"

She grinned and shrugged. "Merely the facts, dear."

"I don't know if I can go say goodbye after that!"

"Really, Lily," she rolled her eyes. "You're not thirteen anymore. Still blushing at the mere mention of the male species?"

I scowled and returned to the sitting room, where James was thanking my father for his hospitality. "Hey," he said, looking as my red face with curiosity. "Tomorrow, half eleven, Leaky Cauldron?"

"Yes," I replied rather weakly.

"Bye, Mr. Evans. Pleasure to meet you." He paused at the kitchen door. "Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Evans. Dinner was delicious. You cook as well as our house elves. _Not_ our housemaid from Italy." He winked. My mum giggled.

I dragged him to the door. "Quit flirting with my mum, Potter."

He grinned. "Just being my usual charming self. Goodnight, Lily."

He was obviously more comfortable than he had been that afternoon. For some reason, his cheek and joking arrogance didn't bother me like it would have last year. I wondered just how much he had matured. I supposed I would find out when his Head Boy duties were thrust on him.

"G'night, James," I replied thoughtfully.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: If you think I'm J.K., perhaps you should check into the crazy hospital. **

**Author's Note: Yes, this is insanely short. Sorry! I have more, but I wanted to make it it's own chapter.** **That said, you should be getting anywhere from 2-4 more chapters this weekend, so don't be too irate. **

**Also, I don't have a beta or anyone who edits my writing. Granted, I edit my chapters several times myself, but I don't catch everything, so I apologize for errors.**

**Review? Please?**

**...and happy Thanksgiving to all you Americans.**

**Chapter 3  
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I entered the Leaky Cauldron at half-past eleven the next morning. It was too early for the lunch rush and the pub was nearly empty. I took a seat at the bar to wait for the boys. After a quarter of an hour, just when I was beginning to get frustrated, I noticed two black heads just visible over a open newspaper-both black, one smooth, the other messy.

I walked over to their table. "James? Sirius?"

They lowered the newspaper and their grim faces came into view. "Hey, Lily," James greeted.

I frowned down at their copy of the Daily Prophet, trying to read the headlines upside-down. "What happened?"

"More attacks," James sighed. "Family of five found dead in their home-one pureblood parent and one muggleborn. The pureblood father was active in the anti-Voldemort movement. From what they can tell, the kids were tortured and killed in front of their parents." His voice held deep disgust.

Sirius just stared at the wall, his gray eyes dark and dangerous.

James stood and guided me a little away from the table. "Some of Sirius' extended family is under suspicion regarding recent deaths," he said quietly. "There's no solid proof, and their status as an old pureblooded family makes it nearly impossible to accuse any of them, but he's a bit upset."

I glanced back at the brooding boy. "Blood complicates things," I sighed. "I'm a potential target and the subject of discrimination because mine is "dirty". Blood connects Sirius to a family he'd rather forget. Blood is the reason for this whole war."

"Not the reason," James said, "just the excuse."

"I'm starting to wonder if it will ever end. The attacks and prejudice have been escalating ever since my first year of Hogwarts..."

"If the ministry would do their job..." growled James. He ran a hand through his hair in irritation. "They're floundering about like a helpless fish!"

I tried to laugh at his odd analogy but found my light-hearted mood had been spoiled by our conversation, and we both remained silent for a moment.

"Oi, Prongs! Padfoot!" Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew had arrived, unaware of our somber thoughts.

"Are we going to Flourish and Blott's or Florean's first?" Peter asked.

I tried to shrug off the gloom and foreboding that had settled like a heavy cloak and answered, "Who's up for Florean's? I feel like ice cream for lunch."

Everyone murmured their agreement and we set off for Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor.

By the time we had finished our rather large ice creams, Sirius still hadn't shaken off his dark mood. I had never encountered this Sirius before-granted, I didn't know him very well, but I had always seen him as cheerful, joking, and generally pleasant, if a bit cocky. At the moment he trailed a bit behind the group, hands shoved in his pockets, morose and silent.

James finally leaned down to whisper to me, "Go ahead with Remus and Peter-I need to talk to Sirius."

I looked up at him worriedly. "Is he all right?"

"He will be." James dropped casually behind us and fell into step with Sirius. By the time we stepped into the apothecary to purchase our potion ingredients, they had disappeared.

The two boys reappeared in Madame Malkin's. Remus and Peter both needed new robes and were being measured while I browsed the dress robes. I was rather fond of a royal blue set, but I had already spent most of my money and didn't need them anyway.

"Hey Lily," greeted Sirius from behind me.

I jumped slightly. "Hey...Sirius," I replied cautiously.

He grinned faintly. "Congrats on Head Girl."

"Thanks," I replied, puzzled by his abrupt change of mood.

"So," he said, toying with the sash of a scarlet robe, "How do you feel about your fellow head this year?"

I smiled slightly. "Well, if he can manage to control you..."

Sirius laughed. "He's only just now begun to control himself-don't you think that's asking a bit much?"

I shrugged. "I suppose we'll just have to see."

"Oi, Padfoot," James approached, glancing between us warily. "Please don't scare her off!"

I grinned and shook my head as the boys began to argue good-naturedly. Despite the grim start to our day, I had enjoyed my excursion with the marauders.

Remus and Peter joined us minutes later. "Hey," said Sirius, grinning broadly. "We're all of age!"

I raised an eyebrow. "And...?"

"Firewhiskey! And you can't call us on it, it's legal now," he added to me.

"Isn't it rather early to be drinking?" I asked. "It's only half-past three."

"Never to early for a pick-me-up," he argued, taking my arm. "I'll escort the fair lady to the pub."

At some point I managed to extricate myself from Sirius and moved to walk beside James. "What'd you say to him?" I asked curiously.

James followed my gaze to the laughing Sirius in front of us and smiled slightly. "I just reminded him who his true family was."

**Here I am again to pester you.**

**I'm not going to upload the next chapter until I get at least 4 more reviews.**

**10 people put me on their story alert lists, and 4 favorited me, but I only have four reviews.**

**One liners work. One word works. Although constructive criticism would be great-I'm hoping I can become a better writer!**

**If I don't get four more reviews...well, we'll just see how long till I break and just put up the next chapter anyway. :)**

**The Quirky Quill**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: _still_ not J.K. Rowling.** **Surprised?**

**Author's Note: Ugh. I have my chapters mapped out, but writing this one was really hard for some reason. I think my massive intake of Thanksgiving leftovers impaired my brain function. Also...I've just begun to write Sirius. I love him (yes, I sobbed when he died) but he's a challenge to write. He's cliched and just _too_un-serious (I refuse to make that pun ;) in so many fanfics. I want to develop his relationship with Lily properly-clues in the books tell us they were close. She entrusted Harry with him as godfather, then there was that letter in Deathly Hallows, etc...anyway, I'm looking forward to writing it.**  
><strong>P.S. Reviewers, I love you.<strong>

**Chapter 4  
><strong>

On September 1, 1977, I woke to torrential rain. Slowly, I got out of bed, showered, and dressed, vaguely emotional over the fact that this was my last first day of Hogwarts. I wondered where I would be a year from now. Auror training? Likely. Married? Ha. Dead? Morbid, but possible. Levitating my trunk in front of me, I descended the stairs and walked into the kitchen.

My father sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and the crossword while my mother hovered over the pancakes on the stove.

"Morning, Lils," my dad said, looking up.

I took the chair beside him. "Morning dad, morning mum."

"Pancakes, sweetheart?" Mum asked.

"Thanks." I glanced at my father. "Hey, dad," I said hesitantly, "I thought I could just apperate to King's Cross today so you don't have to drive-the rain is so heavy."

He smiled a bit sadly. He had driven me to the train station every year since I was eleven. "That sounds fine, darling."

After I finished breakfast, I returned to my room, made my bed, and cleaned up a bit. For some reason, I felt inordinately depressed and unready to become an adult. I scowled. What was wrong with me? I had ten more months of school before I entered the real world-I still had to take my NEWTs!

OH Merlin. NEWTs.

I took another shower to try and repress my impending insanity. By the time I had done my hair and dressed, it was time to leave.

"Bye, Mum," I said, hugging her tightly. "Bye, Dad," I hugged him and he kissed the top of my head. "See you in a few weeks for the wedding. James and I will apperate that Thursday morning...okay?" I took hold of my trunk, wand, and owl cage, and disapperated.

Platform 9 ¾ bustled with witches and wizards of all ages-parents, schoolchildren, and siblings too young for Hogwarts. There was an air of back-to-school excitement in the air. Feeling slightly cheered, I boarded the train and set off to find a compartment.

I ended up in the prefect's compartment as James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were nowhere to be found. I changed quickly into my Hogwarts robes and started reviewing the written agenda for the prefect meeting.

James and Remus entered a few minutes later. "Hey, Lily! Why didn't you come join us in our compartment? You missed dangerous game of Exploding Snap," James greeted.

"I prefer not to live life on the edge," I replied dryly, shuffling my papers and setting them in a neat stack.

Remus sniggered and James smirked. "Avoid chess with Sirius, then."

I laughed and plonked down in one of the large, cushy armchairs.

"So," James began, "what exactly happens in these prefect meetings?"

"We give all the passwords to the common rooms out and explain patrol schedules," I answered. "Nothing too complicated."

"So what do I do?"

"Sit there and look pretty," Remus retorted.

"So you think I'm pretty, do you?" James grinned, flopping down in the other armchair.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm sure he does. You're even prettier with your mouth shut."

James did not keep his mouth shut, but I was rather impressed with what came out of said mouth. As I had predicted, the position of leadership came easily to him, and the prefects, despite the shock (and in some cases, horror) of finding him Head Boy, fell prey one by one to his natural charisma and warmth.

"I thought that went well," James declared as the last prefect left.

"Yeah," I said thoughtfully, "quite well."

"Should we go see if Sirius and Peter have burned down their compartment yet?" suggested Remus.

We left the carriage and for the millionth time I wondered what this year would be like with the marauders as my main companions.

"I hate the sorting," grumbled Sirius. "It brings back bad memories and delays dinner."

After an uneventful train ride and journey to the castle, we were seated at the Gryffindor table waiting for the sorting to finish and the feast to begin.

"I like the sorting," I offered. "I silently thank that hat every year for not putting it in Slytherin like I asked it to."

James looked horrified. "You wanted to be in Slytherin?"

I shrugged. "I was a muggleborn-I didn't know about the house's reputation; all I knew was that my best friend was in Slytherin."

James nodded silently, obviously feeling a bit awkward around the subject of Snape.

"So," said Remus, sensing his friend's discomfort and tactfully changing the subject, "what classes are you taking this year, Lily?"

We all fell gratefully into discussing this new subject, awkwardness forgotten.

Later that night, after a meeting with Professor McGonagall to discuss our Head duties and a fierce game of Wizard's chess with James (he won), I went upstairs to bed. Currently, I was in bed missing Marlene.

As Marlene had moved to France and the parents of the twins who shared a dormitory with us had withdrawn the two girls, I was the only one in the seventh year girls' dormitory. It felt empty, very dark, and eerily quiet. I hated it. Marlene and I used to stay up and talk for hours, often falling asleep in the same bed. We discussed classes, boys, the future, our families-and I was having a hard time falling asleep without my evening heart-to-heart with my best friend. I missed her laughing brown eyes, snarky sense of humour, clumsiness, and love of potions, the class we had bonded over.

I scowled fiercely and flopped over onto my stomach. I refused to cry. Marlene planned to move back to England when we graduated-we had planned to share a flat in London while I attended the Auror Academy and she started Healer training-so it wasn't as if she was gone for forever. With this cheerier thought, I tried to fall asleep.

I couldn't.

Eventually, I escaped my creepy empty dorm and crept down the stairs to the common room, settling on the couch.

The next thing I knew, someone was shaking my shoulders. I buried my head in a cushion and mumbled about Marlene going away.

"Lily!" the voice persisted.

I tried to sit up and fell off...the couch? The previous night came rushing back.

"Classes!" I shrieked, springing to my feet.

"Whoa! Lily, it's Saturday!" I blinked and swiveled around to see James, who looked highly amused.

"I got up early to go out to the Quidditch pitch and saw you on the couch. Figured you'd want up before everyone else comes down," he explained.

I rubbed my eyes and tried to drag my fingers through my crazy hair. "Er, thanks," I said awkwardly. "I'll just go up, then."

"You can come with me, if you like," he offered. "You'd probably rather sleep, though."

"S'okay," I yawned. "I can't fly anyway."

Sleep deprivation does odd things to my brain. In a normal situation, I would have never admitted I couldn't fly, much less to the Quidditch prodigy that was James Potter.

His eyes widened and his jaw went slack. "You can't fly? Have you ever been on a broom?" he sounded slightly hysterical.

I was in too deep to wiggle my way out now. "I was sick during our flying lesson in first year," I admitted. "I've never been on a broomstick in my life."

"That's so...weird!" James exclaimed. "Never been on a broomstick," he mumbled to himself. "I started flying before I could walk!"

It was my turn to frown. "_That__'__s_ weird! You could've killed yourself!"

"It was a toy broomstick," he shrugged. "Nothing dangerous."

"Still! Would you let your children on a toy broomstick?" Stupid question, Lily.

He looked at me as though I had gone insane. "Of course I would!"

"That's mad!" I exclaimed. "Wouldn't you feel bad if they were killed?"

He rolled his eyes. "You can't treat them like glass."

"They're babies!" I protested. "They practically are glass!"

He sighed and twirled the broomstick he held. "Whatever. I'll raise my kids my way and you can raise yours however you like, but it's too bloody early to be arguing, about baby's first broomstick no less."

I grinned reluctantly at the absurdity of our conversation. "Right. Well then, I'm going back to sleep." I turned and headed up the stairs to the girls' dormitories.

"Hey," he called after me, "I will get you on a broomstick before this year is over."

"Good luck with that, Potter," I called over my shoulder.

"You'll see, Evans," he replied, grinning.

When I got up again several hours later, I resigned myself to the fact that I had missed both breakfast and lunch and was cursed to suffer hungrily until dinner. As I scrambled around looking for my shoes, I heard a knock on the door. "Come in," I called.

I hopped up from the floor triumphantly holding my shoes and raised my eyebrows. "Aren't you not supposed to be able to get up here?"

Sirius grinned and shrugged. "Are you hungry?"

I frowned suspiciously at him. "Maybe."

He sighed. "Look, Miss Head Girl. I came up here to reveal one of the best kept secrets of the castle, and if you're going to be hostile..."

James appeared behind him. "C'mon Lily! It's not against the rules...well, it sort of is...but..."

Sirius kicked him. "Shutup, Prongs. Now, Lily, come with us and you'll be happy. Refuse to come with us and you'll be sad. Give us detention and you'll be sorry."

I rolled my eyes. "Are you threatening me, Sirius?"

"You can choose to believe so. Or you can just come with us..."

"Merlin, Padfoot," came the muffled voice of Remus. "Lily," he said, popping his head in, "do you want to come to the kitchens with us, since we missed breakfast and lunch?"

"You know where the kitchens are?" I marvelled.

"Marauders' secret, milady," Sirius said pleasantly. "Now-food."

**Guess what? I update faster when you review. It's motivating.**  
><strong>The Quirky Quill<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:****This ****is**** starting ****to ****annoy**** me.**** I****'****m**** NOT**** Ms.****Rowling, ****of**** course!****I**** mean,****there****'****s**** always**** the**** possibility**** of**** Polyjuice**** potion,**** but**** how**** would**** I**** have**** gotten**** a**** bit**** of**** her ****hair?**  
><strong>Author<strong>**'****s**** Note:****My**** Thanksgiving**** break**** is**** almost**** over, ****so**** I**** won****'****t**** be**** updating**** as**** often. I'll probably put up a new chapter each weekend until my Christmas break begins-the updates will likely be more frequent then. THANK YOU to all my reviewers-especially the regulars!So...this is mostly dialogue-I adore writing conversation between Lily and the Marauders. I hope you enjoy! Please review and feel free to offer corrections, advice, ideas, etc.**

**Chapter****5**

I stared down on my essay on the Animagus process and scowled. I needed ten more inches. _Ten._My hand cramped suddenly and I dropped my quill in disgust, glancing at James across the table. The boy leaned over his parchment, scribbling away furiously, the firelight reflecting in the lenses of his glasses. "How many inches do you have?" I asked dully.

James looked up at me and back down at his essay. "Twenty five," he said finally.

I stared at him. "Pardon?" I got up and walked around to examine his essay. "But your writing's _tiny_."

He shrugged. "I like Transfiguration. It helps that it comes naturally," he added.

I rolled my eyes. "No need to remind me of your natural brilliance," I said dryly. "You can, however, inform me just how I can get ten more inches of of the animagus process during our first patrol."

He jumped up, rubbing at the massive ink stain blackening his right hand. "Patrol, right." He grabbed his wand off the table beside his books and parchment and looked at me. "Ready?"

"When you are," I replied, and we crossed the common room and crawled out the portrait hole.

"So," he said as we started walking down the hall, "do we just walk around for a bit, try to catch troublemakers?"

"You would know."

"I wouldn't, actually."

"Oh, really?"

"I was never caught, see."

I laughed along with him as we continued our leisurely stroll down the dim corridors of Hogwarts. When we reached a broom closet hidden in a alcove I stopped. "I hate this part of the job," I muttered, reaching out and seizing the door handle. With a yank, it fell open. The cupboard was mercifully empty. James looked relieved.

"Isn't that a bit awkward, er, disturbing them?" He asked.

"Awkward," I agreed, "but required."

"Ever seen anything really scarring?" he inquired with a slight shudder.

"Well, one time Sirius-"

He cringed. "Please don't finish that sentence."

I quirked a questioning eyebrow at him. "_I_never caught you, but from what I hear, you were a bit of a broom closet Casanova yourself."

"Who?"

"Muggle thing. Never mind."

"Oh."

"So," I started moments later, "what do you want to do after school?"

"Fight," he answered immediately.

"The Auror Academy, then?"

He hesitated for barely a moment. "Yes, I suppose. Although I'd feel useless for a while-they don't send auror trainees into the field for the first year and a half."

"Because they're not ready?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. Doesn't change that you waste over a year."

I frowned slightly.

"What about you?" he asked.

"Oh," I said, feeling my cheeks redden, "I want to go into auror training, too. I used to want to be a healer...but now...I don't know, it just seems that, as a muggleborn, I should be fighting, you know?"

He nodded gravely. "I see."

"What do your parents do?" I asked curiously.

"They were aurors," he replied. "My mum's retired now, but my dad trains aurors at the Academy."

"Any siblings?" I asked. When I thought about it, it was rather odd how little I knew about James.

"Just Sirius," he answered, smiling. "My parents are older-they weren't even expecting me."

"Sirius lives with you? Because of his family?"

He nodded slowly. "Last summer he couldn't take it anymore. My parents don't mind, he spent all his daylight hours at our house anyway."

"I miss Marlene and Alice," I confessed randomly. "I'm the only one in my dorm, did you know?"

He looked surprised. "Wow. I guess that's right...you are the only Gryffindor seventh year girl. You have a private dorm, practically!"

"It's lonely," I said.

Comprehension dawned on his face. "Is that why you were in the common room this morning?"

I felt myself flush, embarrassed. "Maybe," I mumbled.

"They would probably move you in with the sixth year girls if you asked," he suggested.

"I'll get used to it," I shrugged. "Just missing my best friends, I suppose."

"As girly as it is," he said ruefully, "I don't know what I would do without Sirius."

I whacked him in the arm. "That's not girly! He's practically your brother. Boys are such idiots when it comes to brotherly love."

He grinned. "Maybe so."

I sighed. "About that transfiguration essay..."

He grinned. "Right then. Animagi are so fascinating..."

After breakfast the next morning, James, Sirius, Remus, and I headed to Potions. Peter had dropped Potions in sixth year since his career choice didn't require the class. James, Sirius, and I took it as it was required for aurors. Remus took it because he could.

"Good morning, class," Professor Slughorn said cheerfully. "Today we will be starting a new project. Before I explain, if you would partner up, please."

James seized my right arm and Remus my left. "I call Lily," they said simultaneously.

I grinned. "I know I'm brilliant, but really, there's no need to fight over me..."

Sirius rolled his eyes and seized me around the waist, carrying me over to his cauldron. "_I_ call Lily," he corrected.

"Sorry boys," I teased, "looks like Sirius will be the one passing Potions this year."

James and Remus grumbled a bit but partnered up nonetheless.

"Listen up, everyone!" called Slughorn, failing to notice the minor altercation that had just taken place. "Today we'll start brewing Veritserum. This potion is advanced and difficult. Also, should any of you be caught trying to sneak a sample, the consequences could include expulsion..."

He trailed on for a bit about the use of truth potion and assigned an essay on why it was not more widely used.

I gathered the required ingredients and began to chop, grind, and juice while Sirius helped me. Potions was to me as Transfiguration was to James and Sirius-it came naturally and that only added to my enjoyment of it.

"So Lily," Sirius began casually, "going to Hogsmeade with anyone this weekend?"

For a frightening moment, I thought he might actually be asking me out. "Er-no."

"Do you want to come with us, then?"

I frowned. "You, James, Peter, and Remus?"

"The same."

"Don't any of you have dates?" I wondered out loud.

He shook his head. "It's a marauder tradition. No dates the first Hogsmeade weekend-we go together."

"I'm not a marauder," I pointed out, shaking the contents of my chopping-board into the cauldron.

"But you're also not a date. So you're welcome to join us, but you don't have to, if you have other plans."

My other plans involved moping around my empty dorm missing Marlene and possibly writing my potions essay. "Okay," I agreed. "I'll go with you. You can give me the whole marauder experience."

He leaned back in his chair and smiled that swoon-worthy grin of his. "Great. The boys will be delighted."

"I had no idea you lot enjoyed the the stuffy head girl's company so much."

He cocked his head and examined me with a glint in his eyes. "You're not half bad, really," he said. "You're much less annoying and straight-laced this year. I'm afraid we're rubbing off on you."

"Or maybe you lot are just more straight-laced," I suggested.

He looked horrified at the idea.

"You haven't even pulled a prank yet."

He grinned wickedly.

Oh no.

I changed the subject rapidly. As Head Girl, I did not need to know about any impending pranks. "I, uh, think we need more St. John's Wort."

Still grinning, he headed for the supply cabinet.

"Ever brewed any illegal potions?" he asked upon his return, handing me the herb.

I tried my best to hide the guilt I was sure was written plainly on my face.

His eyes widened as he read obviously saw through my expression. "You _have_? Merlin, I'd like to hear that story."

"You'd need this Veritserum to get it out of me," I replied primly, stirring the potion clockwise three times. I thought back to the time Marlene and I had brewed Polyjuice potion in fifth year. The plan had been rather immature, of course, but still rather amusing. I decided to go ahead and torture Sirius with the story. "Marlene and I made Polyjuice potion," I whispered. "Do you remember the rumours about you and James snogging those boys in fifth year?"

He gaped at me. "No..."

I couldn't wipe the small triumphant smile off my face. "Oh, yes."

Our first Hogsmeade weekend dawned sunny and only a tad bit chilly. After four years of weekend visits to the tiny village, the charm had worn off a little, but the chance to get out of the castle, get a butterbeer, or go on a date was too good for most seventh years to pass up.

I met the boys in the common room late in the morning wearing a my Gryffindor scarf, a light jacket over my jumper, and jeans. Many students just wore their school robes, but I generally felt the need to break up the monotony of a school uniform.

We set off to Hogsmeade cheerily. After an entire summer without, I was dying for a butterbeer.

"Where to first?" asked Remus, who looked more well rested and healthier than I had seen him in a few weeks. The full moon must have been a few weeks away.

"I need to get a quill," put in Peter. "Some _dog_chewed up all my new ones," he said accusingly, glaring at Sirius.

"Alright," said Sirius agreeably, grinning. "Scrivenshafts, then."

"I didn't think dogs were allowed in the castle," I said suspiciously.

"They're not," answered James carelessly. "C'mon, then, I want to go to Honeydukes' after."

Rather confused, I shrugged it off and followed the boys down High Street.

After Peter had gotten quill satisfaction, James sugar quill satisfaction, Remus chocolate satisfaction, and Sirius dungbomb satisfaction (while the Head Girl and Boy turned a blind eye), I was determined to get my butterbeer satisfaction.

"The Three Broomsticks, now," I declared imperiously.

We ducked into the noisy, crowded, welcoming pub and managed to find a booth for three. I ended up squeezed between James and Sirius while Remus leaned against the wall and Peter perched dangerously on the edge of the booth.

Rosmerta, the barmaid, a pretty young woman in her early twenties, hurried over. "Hey, boys," she greeted, her black curls bouncing. "Who's the pretty ginger?" She grinned and winked at me.

"Lily Evans," James said.

I squeezed my arm out from where it had been pinned against Sirius' side and offered my hand. "Pleased to meet you," I said politely.

Rosmerta's cheery grin widened almost mischievously. "_The_Lily Evans?" she asked, taking my hand briefly.

I must've looked confused, for she shrugged it off and took our orders-firewhiskey for Sirius, butterbeer for everyone else.

"Hey," I realized a moment later,"They're not supposed to serve firewhiskey to students..."

"We have an understanding," Sirius grinned.

"Rosmerta enjoys you flirting with her, you mean," Peter said, rolling his eyes.

"What can I say? I'm a charming bastard."

"A bastard, maybe..." Remus put in, grinning.

I laughed and took a sip of my newly arrived butterbeer. Life was good. I was surrounded by friends and drinking the most delicious liquid in the entire world, wizarding or otherwise.

"Butterbeer sure puts you in a good mood," James observed three-quarters of the way through my mug.

I felt flushed and a bit dizzy, a random sense of euphoria coursing through my veins. "I love butterbeer," I gushed. "It's so yummy! This butterbeer tastes a little different though...and it usually doesn't make me this dizzy."

Sirius was obviously holding back laughter. James shot him a withering look. "You spiked her drink, didn't you, Padfoot?"

"I never saw him," I protested happily.

James rolled his eyes at me. "He's rather good at not getting caught, in case you hadn't noticed."

Sirius shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe she got tipsy off of that! I barely touched it."

I scowled. "I'm not tipsy." To prove this, I scrambled over James and started to walk away. I tripped and was about to get intimate with the ground when someone caught me.

Sirius pulled me upright and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "Sorry, Lily," he said. "I really wasn't trying to get you drunk."

I blinked at him. "Why're there two of you?" I slurred confusedly.

James groaned suddenly. "How're we going to get her up to the castle?"

Peter frowned. "What do you mean?"

"We don't want anyone to notice that the Head Girl's drunk," muttered Remus. "Really, Sirius?"

"It's not my fault I didn't realize she couldn't hold her alcohol!" Sirius said defensively. "But I still feel bad about getting you drunk," he added to me.

I groaned and watched the my spotty vision grow darker until everything went black.

"Seriously, the girl must have some kind of alcohol intolerance!" a familiar voice broke through the darkness.

"Yeah," agreed another voice. "But she's going to mad anyway...I don't envy you, Padfoot."

"I have to agree with Wormtail," came yet another voice. "You'll be lucky if you only have detention for a month."

There was a loud groan. "I really do feel bad! She was just starting to like me, too!" Then, "Man, I'm glad she's tiny." Someone shifted my body in their arms. I moaned.

"Ah! She's awake!" declared voice number three.

"Lily!" James' voice came. "Do you feel okay?"

If feeling like a Hippogriff just ran over your head qualifies as okay..."Sobering potion?" I managed to get out.

The person carrying me stifled a laugh. "Hold on a second," James answered. "We've got some in our dorm. We're almost to the castle...Hey, Remus, check the map, will you?"

"All clear, Prongs. We can get out now."

Moments later, the boys were climbing out of the passage through a statue. Sirius, who had been the one carrying me, handed me up to James and climbed out, closing the passage. We managed to get back to the common room without being spotted and, shooing the curious first and second years away, they carried me up to the dorm. Someone handed me a vial filled with purple potion, which I gulped down gratefully. Moments later, the dorm came into focus and I sat up.

"Sirius Black," I said indignantly, "You are in so much trouble!"

The boy in question blanched and pleaded, "Please, Lily! I really am sorry! I even carried you all the way back..."

Suddenly, I laughed and fell back on the bed, still giggling. "This is so ridiculous," I gasped out.

All four boys were looking at me as if I'd gone mad. "Do you think the potion messed with her?" whispered Peter.

I rolled my eyes. "The Head Girl just got wasted over a spiked butterbeer and was carried back to the castle through a secret passage way by the biggest troublemakers in the school," I explained. "Doesn't that strike you as funny?"

"Aren't you angry?" asked Remus doubtfully.

I glanced at Sirius. "Detention tonight," I said firmly. "And you get to finish my essay on Animagi. And if you ever, ever spike my drink again..." I trailed off suggestively.

He slumped in relief. "Never again," he agreed.

The rest of our companions, obviously expecting a loud, long lecture and numerous punishments for all involved, looked relieved too.

I glanced about at them. "But I want to hear all about this passageway and the map."

They exchanged glances, looking nervous.

"Er, well," began James. "We made this map in fourth year..."

**More annoying author note-ness. Review! :)**

**The Quirky Quill  
><strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello, all!**  
><strong>I'm not J.K. Rowling, in case anyone was fooled...ha.<strong>  
><strong>Due to massive amounts of schoolwork, my brain currently does not want to function. So if this chapter a little disappointing...I'm sorry.<strong>  
><strong>On a totally unrelated note, my ballet teacher has decided to make the our advanced class wear white leotards and pink tights with no skirts so we can't "hide anything". How we're hiding anything in our current skin-tight clothes, I have no idea. But I am entirely uninterested in looking like a dancing marshmallow.<strong>  
><strong>Ahem. Sorry.<strong>  
><strong>Thank you to all my reviewers! I enjoy every one of your reviews. :)<strong>  
><strong>Also, thank you especially to Super Cara for pointing out my potion misspelling mishap in the last chapter and also for being a consistent reviewer! :)<strong>

"Wow."

The marauders grinned at me.

I stared down at the old scrap of parchment that had just transformed into a detailed map of the entire school and its occupants. I found my dot and shook my head at the small script that read _Lily__ Evans_. "This is brilliant," I glanced up at the boys, "you did this in fourth year?"

"Instead of our homework, naturally," answered Sirius.

"This is NEWT level charm work!" I exclaimed. I was probably feeding their already large egos, but I couldn't hide how impressed I was.

"Well, we had to put our amazing brains to some use," James grinned, "and since we were determined not to apply ourselves in classes..."

I raised my eyebrows. "So this is why you never get caught."

"That and the cloak," piped up Peter.

Sirius groaned. "Really, Wormtail?"

"What cloak?" I asked suspiciously.

"Look, Lily," warned Sirius, "you have to promise not to tell anyone about this stuff."

This was so against the rules. I mean, I was Head Girl. I was supposed to stop-not enable and abet-troublemakers. Oh, well. "I promise."

The marauders looked at each other. "We've never told anyone else about all this," admitted Remus.

"If I can keep your 'furry little problem' a secret, I think I can manage to keep my mouth shut about a map and a cloak," I said, realizing too late that I had never told Remus I knew about his monthly transformations.

Remus blanched. "You know about that?"

"Er, yeah," I said, flushing at my lack of tact.

"How long have you known?" He questioned cautiously.

"Since the beginning of sixth year, when we had to do the lunar chart in Astronomy," I answered sheepishly. "Your symptoms and absences matched up."

"You don't...mind?"

"Well, as a muggleborn, I wasn't raised with all the stigma and prejudice against werewolves," I admitted, "but no, I don't mind. I mean, you're only a werewolf once a month. The rest of the time you're just Remus."

The color had returned to his face. He crossed the room and hugged me briefly. "Thanks, Lily," he said gruffly.

I hugged him back, sighing in relief. I hadn't meant to bring that up. "So," I coughed awkwardly. "Are you going to tell me about the cloak?"

James leaned over to dig through his trunk and pulled out a mass of silvery fabric that seemed to flow like liquid from his fingers. "Invisibility cloak," he explained, draping it over his arm.

Would they ever stop surprising me?

"Lily, about Remus," Sirius said quietly.

We were in Potions again, still working on our Veritaserum, as it took an entire lunar cycle to complete. "What about him?" I whispered back.

He gave me a half smile. "I just...it means a lot to him, your acceptance, you know."

"Oh."

"It's a difficult secret," he continued, adding a few drops of Acromantula venom carefully to the simmering potion. "He can't be up front with it if he doesn't trust someone yet, but if he waits until that trust is developed, their relationship can be destroyed by such a large secret."

"When did you all find out, then?"

"Second year. It never really caused any problems for us-relationships are a lot simpler when you're twelve," he said ruefully. "All of life is, really."

I smiled briefly at this. "We all have to grow up eventually, complicated or not."

"Yeah," he muttered, looking suddenly weary. He brought his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

Confused by his sudden depression, I fell silent and concentrated on the potion.

Six stirs clockwise. Three counter-clockwise...nine clockwise...

"I think Regulus is a Death Eater."

I jumped at the quiet sound of Sirius' voice, then wondered what to say. What _could_you say to that?

"I want to hate him," he continued bitterly. "But I can't, y'know? He makes me sick-yet I can't manage to hate him. Not like I can the rest of my family. I hate Bellatrix, I hate Narcissa's husband, Malfoy. I hate my parents for trying to instill their blood prejudice in their children. But I can't hate Regulus. He's still my little brother. I always thought he might be different...I even thought he might end up in Gryffindor like me. He looked up to me when we were kids. But then he went into Slytherin...and now he's just like the rest of my family. Evil."

I felt like crying for the boy beside me. My petty rivalry with Petunia seemed so trivial now. "Not everyone is as strong as you," I said softly. "It takes a strong person to go against their family, I think. You're a Gryffindor-you had that courage. And, you know, not everyone has a James."

He smiled slightly at this, glancing at the untidy black head a few desks over. "True."

Impulsively, I reached over and gave him an awkward side-hug over our cauldron. He tightened one arm briefly around my shoulders before pulling away.

"Sorry to bother you with my family problems," he said to me. "Thanks for listening, Lily. I've always wanted a sister," he added, winking at me and reached for his schoolbooks.

I smiled at him and silently gathered my own books, following him out of potions to join the other boys, contemplating the man that was Sirius Black.

_Dear Lily,_

_I could kill my parents right now. You are at Hogwarts and I am stuck at Beauxbatons. I'm sure you're rather upset that both Alice and me are both gone, but at least you're in familiar surroundings. And you're not trying to decipher the mysterious language that is French. Merlin. Oh, and our school uniforms here are powder blue. Powder blue, Lils! I miss plain black robes and pleated wool skirts._

_Banter aside, (or is it banter if you're not actually talking to me?) He-who-must-not-be-named and his supporters have not come to France, yet, and I no longer wake to news of new killings and suspected death-eater arrests each morning. Nice as it would be to forget the violence in England, I can't._

_My parents moved us because they think we're safe here. I honestly don't understand how they can be so thick. Don't they realize that You-know-who's not going to limit his campaign to England? They should be doing something, and instead, my mother is sipping coffee with croissants and my father is filing non-dangerous paperwork in the French Ministry's Muggle Relations office._

_Bloody hell. I didn't mean for this letter to be so depressing. Tell me about classes. I'm dying to hear about Hogwarts life. Feel free to pass on any interesting gossip. Who's Head Boy? I would guess either Remus or that cute prefect in Ravenclaw. And how is it having only the Marauders as your fellow Gryffindor seventh years?_

_Write soon, darling. I swear the moment they hand over my diploma I am coming straight back to England._

_Love,_

_Marlene_

_Dear Marls,_  
><em>Pitiful as it is, I cried myself to sleep the first night all alone in our dorm. But moving along to more interesting news-James Potter is Head Boy. Yes, the Marauder. He's matured a bit since his days of constantly asking me out and is actually doing a good job with his leadership position. We've even become friends.<em>

_As for the Marauders-well, they come as a package, so naturally, I've been spending rather a lot of time with them. Most of my time, in fact. They're actually not too annoying. Of course, I've always tolerated Remus, but tried to ignore the other three._

_Petunia's getting married next week. James is actually going to the wedding with me. As a friend, of course. Don't look like that (I can picture your expression!)-I'm not attracted to him at all in that way._

_While the war is only getting worse here, I understand your parents decision. Merlin knows if I had a family here I would want to get out. But you're right too, of course. Voldemort's not going to stop with England. I will be counting the days till you graduate and I get to see you again!_

_Love,_

_Lily_

I tied the letter to a school owl and sent him off. As much as I enjoyed my new-found friendships with the marauders, especially Sirius and James, I missed my female friends. A girl needs a bit of girl-talk in her life, and by the very definition, it was something I couldn't get with the boys.

I wildly grabbed a few dresses and pairs of knickers, stuffing them into the overnight bag on my bed. Catching my reflection in the mirror, I swore and scrambled to find my hairbrush. A few minutes later, looking a little less like something that had just crawled out of the Forbidden Forest, I hurried down the stairs to find James waiting for me, looking amused.

"Wake up late?" He inquired, grinning.

I frowned. "Why?"

"Your jumper's on backwards and you have two different shoes on."

Looking down at my feet, I saw one black and one brown flat. Muttering unpleasant things under my breath, I hurried back up to my dormitory. A few moments later I returned, semi-straightened out.

"Ready to go, then?" He asked pleasantly.

"Ready as I'll ever be to go participate in a wedding I would rather cancel," I grumbled.

His grin widened and he took my bag, despite my protests. "Let's go then. I'm quite eager to get to know your delightful sister and her charming fiancee better."

Professor McGonagall had debated having my fireplace at home hooked up to the Floo Network, but for convenience's sake had decided to allow James and me to walk to Hogsmeade and apperate to my house. We apperated directly into my bedroom. After James took his things to the guest bedroom, we went downstairs.

"Lily! James!" My Mum cried, grabbing us both in a hug. My face ended up smashed against James' shoulder rather painfully. Beaming, she nearly dragged us into the living room to introduce James to my family.

"Remember," I hissed in his ear, "my extended family thinks we go to a boarding school for gifted children."

He grinned. "I'll try not to talk too much, then."

Recalling the night he had been at dinner with Vernon and Petunia, I nodded emphatically. "Good idea."

The next few hours of family-induced torture were filled with many declarations of, "We're not dating," and my attempts to keep James from embarrassing himself in front of my muggle relatives. By the time they left or retired to their respective bedrooms, I was exhausted.

"Merlin," I groaned, collapsing onto the couch, seizing the nearest half-full glass of champagne, and draining it, "If I ever marry a wizard I don't think I can invite my family to the wedding."

James sat down beside me and leaned back, crossing his arms behind his head and closing his eyes. "That's what memory charms are for, of course."

I laughed. "Oh yes, I'll just herd them up after the wedding and Obliviate the lot of them."

He yawned. "Hey, whatever works."

"Hey," I remembered, "we have to get you a muggle suit tomorrow morning." Maybe I could connive my Dad into taking James shopping. I would rather sleep than shop for men's formal wear.

"I have one already."

Wait-what? "Where'd you get one?"

"Borrowed it from Remus. His mum's muggleborn."

I frowned, glancing down at James' long legs doubtfully. "You're taller than he is, though."

"Honestly, Lily?" he pulled out his wand and lazily transfigured my champagne flute into a daisy. "We can do magic, remember?"

"Right..." something about the muggle world temporarily muggle-fied my brain.

He stood and stretched. "I think I'm going to go to bed," he said. "Then I'll have plenty of energy to be my charming self tomorrow for the rehearsal."

"Righhht." I stood up too. "Well g'night, then."

"Goodnight," he replied agreeably.

I waited until he had disappeared upstairs, fiddling with the daisy, before following him and entering my own bedroom. I climbed into bed, falling asleep quickly. That night, I dreamed of my own wedding with a tall, dark-haired, faceless stranger.

**I plan on updating this weekend. Maybe more than one chapter, if I get lots of lovely reviews.**

**The Quirky Quill  
><strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own nothing HP.**  
><strong>Hello, readers.<strong>  
><strong>Thank you to all who reviewed!<strong>  
><strong>I went back and edited my previous chapters with regard to my "Veritaserum" mistake, as well as a few minor errors I've caught, but I don't think they changed on my actual story. I'm still figuring out how this site works, so sorry about that!<strong>  
><strong>Also, I know I said I would update a this past weekend. Well, it was insanely busy, and then I read The Hunger Games series ravenously in the few spare moments I did have. But now you get a mid-week treat! (Just what you wanted while studying for finals, I'm sure...)<strong>  
><strong>Anyway, I don't feel too wonderful about this chapter, but I hope you enjoy anyway. Sorry for any mistakes-my editing process kept getting interrupted.<br>**

**P.S. Review, please! It's not _too_ hard to drop a line and it positively makes my day. I get a review high-they make me bouncy and dizzy and happy!**

Chapter 7

"Lily...it's time to get up, Lily."

The voice sounded distant and I disregarded it, happily burying my face deeper in my pillow. My lovely, warm, nice-smelling pillow.

"Lily, seriously...it's almost one in the afternoon!"

Someone prodded my back and my shoulder blades contracted in protest. I reached around and tugged the covers over my head to protect myself. "Mmmm, no," I moaned.

"Everyone's wondering where you are," the voice told me. "You're the only one still in bed."

What on earth were they talking about? I frowned into my pillow as my brain struggled to catch up. I sat up and blinked at the bothersome person disturbing me and squinted, confused. "James?"

James rolled his eyes. "Sheesh. I always thought you were a morning person from how you act at school."

Everything came rushing back. "Go away," I said grumpily, falling back onto my mattress.

"Your mum wants you to be ready to go by two," he said, unfazed by my unpleasant behavior.

"Whatever," I replied into my pillow.

"You know," he persisted, "I will force you out of bed."

"Try it and I'll hex you." I reached out and groped blindly for my wand on my bedside table. It wasn't there.

"Looking for this?" I turned my head and opened one eye to see James waving my wand teasingly.

"Ugh, you're so mean," I complained, sitting up slowly and swinging my feet down to the floor. I stood, my sleepy muscles protesting. "See? I'm up. Now go away.""

He handed over my wand backed out of my room. Just before he shut the door, he poked his head back in and added, "But if you're not down in twenty minutes, I'm coming back."

I took the fastest shower of my life, dried my hair with my wand, dressed hastily, and went downstairs. Various family members were drifting aimlessly through my house, waiting for the wedding rehearsal and following dinner that evening. James sat in the kitchen with my Mum, reading the muggle newspaper.

"The pictures don't move," he noted quietly when I sat down beside him. I giggled at the look of astonishment on his face.

"It's strange!" he insisted.

"It's normal for muggles," I shrugged, pouring myself a large cup of coffee.

"Ah! Lily!" my mother pounced on me. "I have your dress in my room-you need to try it on. Although, if it doesn't fit, there's not much we can do." She frowned, worried.

"It'll fit," I soothed her, "If not...I'll fix it with magic."

She looked simultaneously relieved and annoyed. "It's not fair you can do magic," she complained, sounding like a small, whiny child.

James winked at me over her shoulder. I rolled my eyes. "Okay, I'll just go try it on really fast."

"Come down and show me," she instructed. "And we're leaving to go look at the church and the reception hall at two."

I headed upstairs to my parents' bedroom and pulled the dress out of my Mum's closet. It was still a gag-worthy color with my hair and eyes. I silently swore I would never subject my bridesmaids to ugly dresses and returned to the kitchen to seek Mum's approval.

When I appeared in the doorway and cleared my throat, Mum turned and looked me over. "It fits," she said happily, tugging at it a bit.

I glanced at James, who was bursting with silent laughter. I gave him my best death glare.

He regained some semblance of control in time to teasingly comment, "What a lovely color on you, Lily."

I scowled as he and my mum laughed. "I'm leaving," I announced unnecessarily, returning to the bedroom to hang up the awful dress and put on much more flattering clothes.

It took nearly three hours for Petunia and Mum to approve the decorations in the church and reception hall and take care of the details. When we got home, it was already time to get ready for the rehearsal.

I put on a dress and made James change into slacks and a button-down shirt, even though he wasn't in the wedding party. We left for the church-again-and met everyone there. After some minor stress involving musical instruments and missing sheet music, the rehearsal began.

Unfortunately for me, the groomsman to escort me up the aisle was not only singularly unattractive but also extremely clumsy. This was made worse by the fact that I was also a klutz. As we walked between the pews, I prayed we could make it to the front without tripping, which might be the straw to break the camel's back with regard to Petunia's frazzled nerves.

God must have not heard me, however, because a mere ten feet from the altar my partner stumbled over his feet, dragged heavily on my arm to regain his balance, and sent me crashing to the floor. I scrambled to my feet, trying to ignore the pain in my ankle from falling oddly in my high heels, and made it to the front. I took my place with a burning face that rivaled my burning ankle and hoped Petunia wouldn't hear about the mishap.

For some reason, the priest had decided he needed to rehearse his _entire_ sermon as well as the vows, so I had ample time to zone out and lose myself in my own random thoughts.

My mind gradually drifted to my own wedding. Personally, I thought Petunia, at nineteen, was too young to be getting married.

I had always seen myself getting married in my mid-twenties-after my auror training was finished and I had worked for a few years. I suppose I might think differently if I currently had a serious boyfriend, but I didn't. I needed a few years on the dating scene outside Hogwarts before I found a potential husband.

I wanted a kids someday, but first I had to survive the war. Being an auror was dangerous even in safer times, but with the war, it was almost like signing your own death certificate. Suddenly, I wondered if I would ever get to have a family.

My depressing thoughts were interrupted by a sharp fingernail poking me in the ribs. "Go on," hissed one of my fellow bridesmaids. Vernon and Petunia had already finished rehearsing their vows and disappeared down the aisle.

I moved to take the proffered arm of the groomsman, but when I put weight on my right ankle, it gave out. For the second time that night, I collapsed ungracefully to the floor. "Ow! Shit," I swore loudly.

"Lily!" my Mum yelped, a mixture of reproach and concern in her voice. "Language-oh, darling, are you all right?"

"No, she's not," James said, suddenly at my side, gently touching my bad ankle. "She's sprained her right ankle." he scooped me up easily and carefully maneuvered down the church aisle, my parents following. The procession fell apart in the slight disarray. As he carried me past Petunia, I saw her fuming and cringed, wondering what she would do later.

"Let me heal it," I insisted, slapping James' wand away. He had offered to take me home after I injured myself and we were seated in my living room. Everyone else was still at the rehearsal dinner.

"No," he said sternly. "You should never heal yourself unless it's an emergency."

"But you aren't a trained healer!" I protested, trying to shield my foot from his wand.

"Neither are you," he pointed out. "But I've had lots of practice. More than you've had."

"Oh really?" I asked, the throbbing pain in my ankle making me testy. "And why is that?"

"I'm a Marauder," he waved his hand dismissively. "We get injured all the time. We got tired of visiting Madame Pomfrey incessantly, so we learned how to heal each other."

"Fine," I snapped petulantly. "But if anything goes wrong I'm blaming you."

He shrugged and pressed the tip of his wand onto my ankle. "Ow," I whined, wincing. "That bloody hurts!"

He ignored me and muttered something under his breath. My ankle felt extremely warm for a moment, then the bruising disappeared and it shrunk back down to its normal size. I flexed it experimentally. It felt fine. "Thanks," I said. "I-er-I'm sorry I was being rude."

He grinned. "S'fine, don't worry about it. You hungry?"

"Yeah," I said, hopping off the couch and running into the kitchen on my newly-healed ankle.

The only thing in the fridge was a three-fourths full bottle of white wine and a box of cupcakes. A rather limited selection, but not the _worst_ possible dinner. I placed the wine and the cupcakes on the counter and seized two juice glasses. Not quite as classy as wine glasses, but harder to spill or break.

Gathering all my plunder, I led James upstairs to my bedroom. I spread out some of my blankets on my floor and set down the food. I settled against a pillow, James sitting across from me, and poured the wine.

The rest of the bottle of wine, seven cupcakes, and much conversation later, James and I were both sprawled out on the floor sleepily.

I remembered what I'd thought about during the wedding rehearsal that evening. "Are you afraid you'll die before you've ever really lived?" I asked James.

He remained silent for a moment. "In the war, you mean? If we fight?"

"Yeah. Being Aurors will be dangerous with Voldemort and his Death Eaters on the loose. We'll both be targets-a blood traitor and a muggleborn, fighting dark wizards."

Alcohol made me blunt.

"I am afraid," he answered softly, closing his eyes. "Anyone can die at any time, sure, but the war and everything makes our death risk so much higher. We might not live to turn twenty, and it scares me. I've always been able to see myself in fifteen years-married, with a family, and Voldemort gone. But now...it's harder to picture that future."

So much for any reassurance that I would live through this mess.

"You just have to take it day by day," James continued, "and keep reminding yourself that there's always something to live for, that there's always hope, even when it's too dark to see it."

"I'm scared of the dark," I said, feeling much too young for this war, much too young to be considering my own mortality so plainly.

"We can make it through," he said. "You, me, Sirius, Remus, Peter...Marlene...Alice...Frank..."

"But what if we don't?" I asked fearfully.

"We can't think that way," he said. "We can't live like we're dying. We have to live like we're alive. We're not dead till we're cold and still and gone. And yes, we have to accept our mortality, but we shouldn't be passive about it. And if we do die...we'll have gone down fighting."

We were both quiet for a while, considering the heavy thoughts and drifting between sleep and wakefulness.

Eventually, I moved closer to James and rested my head on his chest. He put his arm around me and pulled me into his side. "I'm glad we're friends," I said sleepily.

"I am too, Lily. And good friends, yeah?" His voice was blurry with exhaustion and drink.

"Yeah," I agreed, yawning.

We fell asleep there on my carpet, amidst twisted blankets, cupcake crumbs, and empty juice cups, the air smelling faintly of bittersweet wine.

**A/N**  
><strong>Okay, tell me truly, was the last conversation silly? I don't know if I write serious conversations very well. And I hope it wasn't too depressing (that is, if you didn't laugh at it!) The whole story won't be like this, I promise! I felt like it needed this conversation, though. Next chapter, Sirius returns and brings the humor with him. There's also a Marauder prank coming up...<strong>  
><strong>Review! Next chapter isn't going up until I have 30 reviews. (Hey, I can hope, right?)<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hello, all! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas, those of you who celebrated. I just want to address something a reviewer said...**  
><strong>Headoverheels14: I can definitely see how demanding reviews in return for chapters could be annoying and come across as arrogant. I didn't really think about that. So, I'm very sorry and promise not to do it anymore! (Like you said, story alerts etc. without reviews are sad.) However, I wasn't actually going to hold off posting until I got my requested amount of reviews, I have just been very busy with Christmas and family and the like. (Not that anyone could know that!) Also, thank you for reviewing despite your annoyance with me. (And a very helpful review, for that matter.) Anyway, thank you to all who reviewed despite my annoying-ness.<strong>

**Also, on the subject of Americanisms...I try to avoid the obvious ones, at least, but it seems I'm failing. I had no idea about the pancakes! What's the best way to check? Just google..?**

**I had a bit of trouble writing this chapter and I feel like the dialogue doesn't flow very well. I think I'm writing all dialogue (something I usually don't do) and I'm having a hard time fixing it! I'm also in the process of getting a Beta Reader, so soon my story will be beta'd. (Yay!) And, of course, Beta'd is better! :)**

**Extremely long, bothersome author note over.**

"What are Wizarding weddings like?" I wondered aloud. Petunia had just finished committing her life to a human walrus and to celebrate that momentous occasion, James and I had taken to the dance floor.

James took a quick step to the left, dragging me along with him, to avoid a slightly intoxicated couple stumbling around aimlessly. "Uh, not much different," he answered, twirling me teasingly. I tripped.

"Stop that," I complained. "Not all of us are as coordinated as you are."

He smirked. "Are you saying I'm a good dancer?"

"I'm saying I've had more champagne than you," I retorted. James danced wonderfully, but he didn't need me to tell him that. "You didn't really answer my question about wizard weddings."

He grinned at my abrupt change of subject. "Well, instead of a priest, there's usually an officiating wizard," he explained, turning us in a slow circle. "And a thing where they bind the couple's wands together...I don't really know. I mean, I've been to quite a few weddings, but I don't pay attention to the details."

"Of course." I rolled my eyes.

"Hey," he protested. "I'll pay attention at my friends' weddings. And at my own."

"I would hope so. Your wife might kill you if you zoned out and forgot to say 'I do.'"

"Probably," he agreed.

"Do you want to get married?" I asked suddenly, trying to picture James settling down.

"I do," he chuckled.

"Bad pun," I said, rolling my eyes. "And this highly unlucky girl, what does she look like?" I could've sworn I saw a flash of hurt in his hazel eyes, but dismissed the notion a moment later.

"In first year," he answered. "I wasn't going to get married. Girls were yucky, although I enjoyed the various prank opportunities their long hair gave. Second year, Sirius decided that the fairer sex could be pleasant company, but I wasn't quite convinced. Third year, a fifth year asked me to Hogsmeade. It scarred me.

"However, later that same year, I began to notice a very pretty redheaded Gryffindor with a terrible temper I enjoyed rousing. That year, my future wife had very red hair, bright green eyes, and a spattering of freckles across her charming little nose, although I would rather have jumped off the Astronomy Tower than admit it to my friends."

I flushed and wondered if this could turn awkward.

"Fourth year," he continued, "I was determined to ask this girl to go out with me. I asked, and she refused. She told me she would never go out with a prat such as myself. Her jab didn't particularly bother me, so I kept asking. She kept refusing. Fifth year arrived, and our pattern continued.

"After OWLs, though, Sirius and I were entertaining ourselves..."

I squirmed slightly, knowing what was coming. James' joking demeanor from earlier had gone.

"...bullying someone who represented the things we both hated the most. Snape was a Slytherin, and morbidly fascinated with the dark arts,. His unfortunate demeanor only encouraged our bullying habits. Most of all, I didn't like him because he was your friend. You wouldn't give me the time of day, but Severus, a slimy, greasy, Slytherin, was your best friend. After the OWLs incident, you gave me a thorough tongue thrashing, which, of course, I deserved."

"I'd like to think I grew up a lot that summer after fifth year. It was the summer Sirius ran away from home and came to live with us, the summer You-Know-Who became even more powerful, and the summer I realized that I couldn't be a immature, arrogant prat forever, because there were larger and more important things out there. I wanted in on those things, but first I had to act like the near-adult I was. And so I decided I would. When I went back to school for sixth year, I quit hexing first years who annoyed me, restrained myself from jinxing most Slytherins, even if they deserved it, and quit bugging you about going out with me."

"Somewhere along the line, your imaginary wife disappeared," I laughed, stepping closer to him a slower song came on. I looped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his chest. "But anyway, I like adult James much better. I can be friends with adult James without wanting to hex him."

"I digressed," he acknowledged, chuckling. "I'm glad you like adult James, though. I quite like being friends with you...you're a refreshing break from Sirius."

I laughed. "Glad I could help. Do you want to go get some cake?"

"May I cut in?"

"You're foiling my sugar consumption plans!" I protested as James relinquished his position and my Dad took my hand and waist.

"All yours, Mr. Evans," James answered my father cheerfully. "_I'm _going to find the cake. Bye, Lily!"

I rolled my eyes at his retreating back.

"How goes it, Lils?" My father asked, taking my hand.

"It's actually not been too unpleasant. James is entertaining," I shrugged. "I've almost forgotten why I'm here."

He put on a stern face. "Petunia is your sister, Lily. Today is very important to her."

"Which is exactly why I'm saying this to you and not her," I pointed out.

He sighed wearily. "I think you two take sibling rivalry a bit far, sweetheart."

I flushed guiltily under his gaze. "Sorry, dad. I'll try to be a better sister, I promise."

"I know Petunia makes it hard, Lily, and I'm sorry for that. But let's just try to be happy for her today. Even if her new husband _is_a miserable clod."

I snorted, glancing over at Vernon and Petunia, who were making googly-eyes at each other over their cake. "What a complimentary description of your brand-new son-in-law."

He smiled ruefully. "Let's not share it?"

"I won't," I assured him, grinning and stepping on his foot.

He sighed. "You, my dear, are a terrible dancer. Now run off and have some cake with James. My toes can't take anymore abuse."

A few weeks after Petunia's wedding, I was walking to class when I dropped my schoolbag.

"Er, Lily?"

I frowned and glanced over my should to find the Ravenclaw Quidditch captain, Everett Gilchrist, standing behind me. He fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Yes?" I answered distractedly, turning back to the scattered school supplies.

He knelt beside me and began helping to shove books, quill and ink pots back into the frayed cotton bag.

"Did you need something?" I asked, trying to straighten out the crushed feathers of my best quill.

"Well," he said, sounding nervous, "I was wondering...I mean...would you like to go Hogsmeade with me Saturday? You know, on a date."

"Oh," I said, surprised. I did some quick thinking. Everett was a good student, athletic, polite, and mildly attractive. I hadn't set up any Hogsmeade plans with the Marauders yet, so I was free. And while I did not need a boyfriend distracting me from my schoolwork, a date didn't automatically mean he wanted a relationship. "Sure," I replied after a brief pause.

A look of such strong relief came over his face I had to struggle not to laugh. "Great," he grinned broadly. "Meet you outside the Gryffindor common room at half past eleven? We can get lunch."

"Sounds good," I said cheerfully. A date was beginning to sound better and better.

"See you later then, Lily!" He jogged down the hall and I turned and continued on my way to Arithimancy.

"What's the wand movement for a vanishing charm?" Peter asked me, sounding confused.

"Swish and flick, like the levitation charm," I answered, staring hopelessly at my transfiguration homework. It was Friday night and Peter, Remus, and I were struggling through the massive pile of homework that the teachers had given us that week. James and Sirius had disappeared to the kitchens a few minutes earlier, promising to bring back food for the rest of us.

"What about an disillusionment charm?"

I blinked and forced my growing annoyance towards Peter, who had been asking me questions for the past hour, to go away. I glanced him quickly and immediately felt sorry for him. He had a look of utter confusion in his pale blue eyes.

Peter had never quite fit in with the Marauders. He possessed neither the natural brilliance, outgoing nature, and athleticism of James and Sirius, nor Remus' quiet intelligence, humour, and kind personality.

His looks were average-shorter than most boys his age, mousy hair, nondescript features, his face retaining traces of his baby fat. He was neither smart nor stupid; he did well in all his classes, obviously with help from his friends, as I was discovering. He tended to be quiet and insecure, often vying for James' and Sirius' favor. He seemed to be a loyal friend, though, and I decided then to be friendlier and kinder toward the boy.

"Here, Peter." I scooted over, closer to him. "I'll help you with your charms-I need a break from Transfiguration, anyway."

He smiled ruefully. "Thanks, Lily. I'm completely lost."

A half an hour later, James and Sirius returned, arms full of cookies and bottles of butterbeer.

"To NEWTs," cried Sirius, popping open his bottle and holding it aloft.

"I refuse to echo that toast," I grumbled, reaching for my own butterbeer and a cookie.

"I agree with Lily," Remus said. "It's only October and the teachers are already killing us with homework."

"Killing," agreed Peter.

"What are we doing for Hogsmeade tomorrow?" James asked. "Or are we even going?"

"I want out of this bloody castle," Sirius declared. "So I'm going. Don't have a date, though. Hog's Head?"

"Lily wouldn't like it," Peter protested. I smiled at him.

"I have a date, anyway," I said. "So go to Hog's Head if you like."

"A date?" Sirius inquired.

"A date." I yawned and leaned back on the couch. "And so I am going to bed to get my beauty sleep."

Sirius snorted. "Right. Not before you tell us who your date's with."

"Everett Gilchrist." What harm could telling them do? James and Sirius were beyond their days of hexing anyone who asked me to Hogsmeade.

"Ravenclaw quidditch captain?" Sirius asked.

"That's him," I agreed.

"Crushed James' skull in last year's Quidditch Final," Sirius said with distaste.

"He didn't personally," Remus disagreed. "The Ravenclaw beater did. And it was an accident, anyway. I was commentating."

I glanced over at James, who hadn't spoken since I had mentioned my date. He looked up and met my eyes. "Just tell him to behave or the Marauders will give him a hexing he'll never forget."

I raised one eyebrow at his serious tone.

"Yeah, tell him that," agreed Sirius.

"You are ridiculous," I informed them.

Sirius grabbed me and squeezed me in a bear hug. "You're my adopted sister, I have a right to be insanely overprotective."

I wiggled out of his grasp. "And since you're my adopted brother, I can track you down and hex you if you ruin my date." I stood up and stretched. "Goodnight, boys. I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow."

When I reached the top of the stairs, I looked back down at the Marauders, who were still lounging by the fire. The only face I could see was James', and for some reason, he looked completely depressed.

I decided that tomorrow, after my date, I would cheer him up.

**Thank you for reading! Lily's date is next chapter. I'm also going to try to develop Remus' character (and his friendship with Lily) in the next couple of chapters. Next update should be sometime this week, hopefully.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I loved writing this chapter. Personally, I think it's much better than the last one, although I have some doubts about the last part. Lily has an epiphany in this chapter, one that might make some of you happy. However, it's not all going to work out quite yet.**  
><strong>A quick note to a reviewer who said last chapter was a bit short-my chapters <em>always<em> end up being around six pages, for some reason. (Bonus-this one's nearly eight!) I agree that they are a bit short, so I'm going to work on increasing my chapter length by a few pages. We'll see how that works out...**  
><strong>Anyway, thank you for the reviews and enjoy!<strong>

Chapter 9

The next morning, as I curled my hair, did my makeup, and picked out my clothes, I wished Marlene was there to help me get ready.

Little, unimportant things like that made me miss her more.

I pushed that thought to the back of my mind, told myself I would write her after patrols, and went down to breakfast.

I saw Remus sitting alone at the Gryffindor table and slid onto the bench beside him. "Good morning, Remus."

He didn't reply, too busy staring down at his copy of the Daily Prophet. I tugged the paper out of his hands and read the headline.

**The Werewolf Registration Act: Will It Come Back to Bite the Ministry?**

_The Werewolf Registration Act requires all werewolves to register with the Ministry, and, oncethey come of age, submit to a tracking charm. The Act was highly controversial among supporters of werewolf rights. Others fear this Act could be dangerous, ending in werewolf retaliation, as many werewolves have joined the dark side. (Continued on page 6)_

The paper ripped and I suddenly realized I was gripping the edges for dear life. "A tracking charm?" I heard myself all but yell. "That's infringing on your personal rights!"

"Shh! And I gave up my 'personal rights' when I became a dark creature," Remus muttered.

I stared at the boy, horrified. "You're not a dark creature!"

"Yes, Lily, I am. Go look it up in the library. I should be under 'W'." He pulled the torn paper from my hands and folded it neatly, standing. "I'm going back to my dorm."

I grabbed his arm. "Remus, you're not a dark creature. You just got bitten by one. You've never bitten anyone, have you?"

His eyes darkened and a muscle in his jaw twitched slightly. "Almost," he said shortly.

Surprised as I was by his admission, I continued. "And they're working on potions that will help you-in a few years, you could be cured."

He sighed tiredly. "Look, Lily, I'm glad you can treat me like a normal human being, but most of the world can't. Here at school it's been amazing-I have friends. You; James, Sirius, Peter-they've done more for me than anyone could ever imagine. But when we graduate...you all will be searching for jobs, you'll get married eventually, maybe have kids. I can't have any of that."

My heart very nearly broke for the weary, vulnerable boy in front of me, his life made so complicated through no fault of his own. I hugged him tightly. "Don't worry about tomorrow, Remus," I said. "There's enough to think about today."

"Yeah," he said, squeezing me back for a moment. He drew back and gave a wry smile. "Like how James and I may end up dragging Peter and possibly Sirius back to the castle after they've gotten smashed on Firewhiskey this afternoon"

I frowned disapprovingly. "Really?"

He shrugged. "Wormtail's a bit of a lightweight and Sirius makes a point of getting drunk once a month."

"You can tell Sirius that if he doesn't enjoy his firewhiskey in moderation I'll be after his hide," I declared in my best Head Girl voice.

"Tell him yourself." Remus gestured to the approaching James and Sirius. The former had a grumpy, brooding expression on his face, while the latter was saying something quietly and slapping him on the back.

"Hey, Lily!" Someone tapped me on the shoulder. I jerked my gaze away from the two black-headed boys and turned to see Everett.

"Uh...hi, Everett. How are you?" I asked politely.

"Great," he answered cheerfully. "I was wondering...would you possibly like to go to Hogsmeade early? We could visit Honeydukes' and the like before lunch."

He sounded so hopeful, I couldn't say no. "All right. You can wait over by the entrance...I'll be there in just a moment." Not deterred in the least by my pointed dismissal, he trotted over to the doorway.

I unfolded Remus' torn paper and shoved it in James' and Sirius' faces. Their eyes widened as they took in the words.

"This is Bullshit," Sirius snarled. "_Tracking charms_? How is that legal?"

"They don't consider werewolves people," James said darkly, "so it's not considered an infringement on a person's rights, I suppose." He glanced over at me for the first time. "Gilchrist looks like he's just about to wet himself over there."

I glared at him. "James, I don't know what your problem is, but I don't see why you're taking it out on me."

He ignored me and reached for the toast. I glanced at Sirius, who shook his head slightly.

"I'll see you at dinner, then," I said, irritated and upset at James. "Have a lovely time drinking yourselves into oblivion."

I hurried across the hall to Everett and we left for Hogsmeade.

"I had a good time, Lily," Everett said, smiling at me.

"I did too," I answered, honestly enough.

He hesitated for a moment then started moving closer to me. I wondered if he would really try to kiss me on the first date. He answered my question when his hand found my lower back and pulled me flush against him, lips seeking mine.

While I was not really one for snogging on the first date-and snogging was undoubtedly what Everett was going for-I returned the kiss, albeit rather uncomfortably.

It wasn't really terrible. Everett, I supposed, was a good enough kisser. I just felt like something was missing. Never really a romantic, I didn't expect sparks, but I did expect there to be some sort of heat-even if it was more along the lines of desire than sparks. And _ why _was I thinking about James?

Besides, no one should be able to analyze a kiss while the kiss itself is happening. Nor should they be thinking about another boy. A good kiss should impair brain function.

A moment later he broke away, looking even more cheerful. "So..."

Oh no. I knew what was coming.

"...would you like to do this again sometime?"

I closed my eyes briefly, gathering my Gryffindor courage, and regretting the kiss-talk about mixed messages. "I had a really good time today, Everett," I said as earnestly as I could. "But I think we may be more compatible as friends. Besides, I don't think relationships are a good idea during NEWTs year."

"Oh," he said a bit blankly. "That's fine, of course. Just thought I'd ask. See you later, Lily."

"Bye," I said, feeling rather bad as I observed his drooping shoulders. When he had disappeared, I ducked into the Gryffindor common room.

I glanced around the room, nearly empty but for a few younger kids scattered around playing chess and exploding snap, and spotted Sirius lounging alone by the fire.

I crossed the room and plopped down beside him. "Hey."

He looked up. "Hey, Lils. How was your date?"

"Lils?" I asked, laughing.

He grinned. "Everyone needs a nickname."

"It was okay, I guess." I began braiding the tassels on the edge of the rug.

He watched me silently.

"Sirius...have you ever felt sparks when you kissed someone?" I asked a moment later.

He laughed. "Never would have pegged you as the hopeless romantic type, Lily."

"I am not," I protested.

"Believe what you like. But to answer your question, I have."

I looked up in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah, James set me on fire one time when he walked in on me snogging someone in our dorm. Forgot to lock the door."

I snorted. "I'm not sure why I even asked."

I started to get up and head up to my dormitory when he tugged me back down. "Why _did _you ask?'

"It's rather silly, actually," I began, flushing slightly. "My date set me thinking. I've been on quite a few dates to Hogsmeade, but I've never _clicked _with anyone. It's been awkward, boring, even fun, but I've never really liked any of them as more than a friend. I might have had a crush on them before the date, but afterwards, I discovered I didn't like them very well, or they weren't someone I could love...or...I don't know! I'm confused."

"You'll find someone you 'click' with, as you put it, someday," Sirius reassured me. "The world is much bigger than Hogwarts, you know. There's no rush, is there?"

"No rush," I agreed, sighing. "Wait, why aren't you drunk?" I wondered suddenly.

Sirius shot me a look. "I'm glad you have such a high opinion of me, Lily."

I blushed. "Sorry. Just, Remus said..."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh, he did, did he. Well, I usually would be...but when we go drinking, two of us have to stay sober."

I raised my eyebrows in question.

"To drag the two drunk ones back," he elaborated.

"Wait, Remus got drunk?" I asked curiously.

He snorted. "No, 'course not. He only gets drunk on very, very special occasions."

Suddenly it occured to me. "James?" I asked angrily. "He can't do that! He's Head Boy! He could lose his badge...and over such a stupid reason. And speaking of him and bad behavior, why has he been such a prat today?"

Sirius shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe you should go talk to him," he suggested.

"He doesn't seem to want to talk to me," I said, upset that James was suddenly angry at me for no reason.

"Will you please just talk to him?"

"You're his best mate," I protested.

Sirius gave me a strange look. "Don't underestimate what you mean to him, Lily. Besides, I can't fix this."

"Why not?" I huffed. And boys thought girls were confusing.

Sirius ground the heel of his hand into his forehead. "Just talk to him," he pleaded.

"Fine," I answered, standing and starting towards the stairs.

I climbed the steps slowly and stared at the door of the seventh year boys' dorm. Finally, I pushed it open and made my way to James' bed. His curtains were pulled shut. I yanked them open.

A fully dressed James was sprawled across the bed on his stomach, face buried in the pillows.

"Go _away_, Sirius."

"I'm not Sirius," I said.

The head raised and he squinted at me. "Er-Lily?" Then, "Where are my glasses?"

I wordlessly handed him his spectacles off the bedside table and he sat up and settled them crookedly on his nose.

His brows were drawn together, forming an adorable crease, and he was biting his lip worriedly. "I've been a bit of an arse today, Lily," he said gravely.

I almost laughed at his expression and tone of voice.

"I was just... feeling off."

Obviously this wasn't the whole truth, but I decided not to press him.

"I'm sorry," he concluded.

I grinned. He was awfully cute when he was worried. "It's okay, James. We all have our off days. Would you like to visit the Kitchens with me before we have patrol?" I decided it would be best to simply ignore the drunk-head-boy-fiasco.

He sighed, looking relieved. "Sure, sure."

He straightened out his robes and grabbed his Head Boy badge and the Map from under his bed.

"To the Kitchens, then," I said, leading the way out of the dorm.

"So, how was your...date?" He asked as we left the common room, half-swallowing the last word.

I glanced sideways at him. "Not great. I gave him the dreaded, cliche, 'let's be friends' speech."

"So you aren't going out?"

"No. Guess I haven't found my Prince Charming yet," I joked.

"Who?"

"Muggle reference," I replied, shaking my head and laughing a little.

"I'm sure you'll find this Charming person eventually, whoever he is," he laughed, eyes twinkling down at me.

Out of the blue, I felt a strong urge to lean up on my tiptoes, wrap my arms around his neck, and press my lips to his. The idea seemed perfectly natural and rather appealing. In fact, I thought there might very possibly be sparks.

I mentally slapped myself. What on earth was I doing?

"Uh, Lily?"

"Yes?" My voice had jumped a few octaves and I could feel my cheeks flaming a bright red. Had I really just fantasized about kissing James? Granted, he was a highly attractive male, but still-friendship had its boundaries.

"Oh, you just kind of zoned out...are you okay?" He sounded concerned.

"Fine." My voice refused to return to normal.

"You're really flushed," he said doubtfully. "Do you feel sick?"

"No, no, I'm fine," I insisted. "Just, uh, hungry."

"Right," he said, obviously doubting the truth of this statement.

I remained flustered throughout our little dinner in the kitchens and part of patrols. James kept attempting to make conversation and finally asked me straight out about my distraction.

"You seem distracted. Do you want to talk about anything, Lily?"

"We're leaving school in eight months," I blurted out, feeling suddenly panicked about that fact, and forgetting that this wasn't even what had been bothering me.

"Yes, I suppose we are," he said, sounding surprised. "Is that what's bothering you?"

I thought for a moment. Leaving school wasn't what I was afraid of-it was all the things that would inevitably follow. I didn't want to lose contact with any of my friends after school, as we moved on with our lives, took the final step into adulthood. I wanted all my friends to stay securely in my life: Alice, Marlene, the Marauders-but especially James.

I couldn't quite imagine life without James.

Nor could I understand why he was so very important to me all of a sudden.

Yes, we had become close friends over the past few months, but something had changed. I was terrified by the fact that, after school, we might drift apart. After all, I did not have the seven-year bond with James that Sirius and the other Marauders did.

And strangely, I was worried. Worried that I wouldn't have James anymore. Worried that I felt so strongly about that fact, and most of all, worried that he didn't share my feelings.

But what were my feelings?

Somehow, I felt that they had crossed the line of friendship and drifted into dangerous territory.

Because, unless I was quite mistaken, I loved James Potter.

In a completely crazy, non-platonic way.

**If Lily's 'falling' seems a bit quick for some of you...well, I think she's been falling in love with James since the beginning of this story-she just didn't realize it yet. This is an important chapter, though, with a very big milestone, so I would appreciate if you would review and tell me what you thought about it.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey, everyone! This will be a sporadic A/N...**

**I've been forgetting these: Nothing belongs to me. Of course.  
><strong>

**I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update! I had writers block (and produced a truly horrid first version of this chapter-be glad I rewrote it) and I've been really busy. (I know, I know, the generic excuse. But as a ballet dancer, January/February is audition season, and I'm out of town nearly every weekend auditioning for summer programs.)**

**Anyway, sorry about that. Thank you for the reviews! I love them! And that random line of o's? It's a page break. Fanfiction wouldn't keep anything else.  
><strong>

**Also, a shout out to my brand-new Beta, ThePotterGeek. She is amazingly awesome. She reads my chapters, tells me when my writing's crap, and gets confused at my parts that make no sense so you don't have to suffer. (And it's in no way her fault this chapter took an entire month.)**

**Mini re-cap: Lily just realized she loves James; he doesn't know.**

**And I'm going to address a little detail in the story really quickly. You can skip the next paragraph if you couldn't really care less about little canon details...**

**My Beta reminded me when she read this chapter that boys can't get up the staircase to the girl's dorms. In an earlier chapter, I reference that the Marauders figured out how to beat the charm. And before you get any pervy ideas, I don't do the whole overly-sexualized-Marauders thing. I mean, I'm sure James and Sirius weren't the essence of virginal purity by any means (they were teenage boys, people), but I get nastied out by the idea that they were total man-whores. Some stories make you feel like Harry might have an unknown half-sibling or two floating around out there. Anyway, I prefer to think the Marauders figured out how to get up the stairs in first or second year so they could put frogs in the girls' beds or something equally innocent. (Well, relatively innocent.)**

**So yes.**

**I apologize for my author's note that just about beats the length of this chapter.**

**Here you go!**

Chapter 10

My mother had often told me, "A situation is never awkward unless you make it awkward."

I disagreed with this little maxim of hers. Some situations are innately awkward, regardless of what one makes of them.

My current situation, for example.

The awkwardness remained one-sided, for the moment, as James had thankfully not been privy to my realization. I, however, was suffering from a sudden case of "what-on-earth-do-I-do-now?" Over the past week, I had struggled with how to act around him.

I really only had one option, and that was to act as though nothing had changed. If James and I weren't such close friends, I might have been up front about my feelings. I was fairly sure he thought of me as a good mate, though, and nothing more. If that was indeed the case, I didn't want to ruin our friendship.

With that in mind, I did my best to behave normally whenever I was with James. Unfortunately, we were together nearly all day, every day, and my efforts were starting to strain my nerves.

Finally, I decided I had to talk to someone, or my head might just explode. So, I turned to Alice, the goddess of relationship advice. She was kind, insightful, and, of course, had a wonderful relationship of her own with Frank. And I needed her advice. Badly.

That night, I wrote Alice and asked her to meet me in the village during our next Hogsmeade weekend. After I finished that letter, I scratched out a quick note to Marlene as well, informing her of my problems, and set both on my bedside table to mail the next day. When I crawled into bed, I anticipated tossing and turning, but suddenly, bright light was shining through the window.

Blinking in the sunlight, I began struggling into my school robes, then realized it was Sunday. I fished around in my trunk for a clean pair of jeans and attempted to convince my hair not to stick out in all directions, but gave up and tied it back into a wildly messy ponytail. I tucked my letters into my pocket, marched up to the door, and yanked it open.

"Oh! Good morning," said a startled James, his hand poised to knock.

"You're Head Boy, you shouldn't just go marching up to the girls' dormitories," I admonished. "You're supposed to be setting an example for the younger boys."

The corner of James' mouth twitched up. "I'm not sure I'll ever be much of a role-model," he said dryly. "Would you like to go get some breakfast?"

"I have to mail letters to Alice and Marlene," I answered hesitantly. "You don't have to wait for me."

"I'll come with you," he offered. "I don't mind."

"All right," I agreed. We set off for the Owlery together.

"How are Marlene and Alice doing?" James asked.

"Well enough," I answered. "Marlene can't wait to get back to England, apparently."

"And how's Auror training going for Alice and Frank?"

I grinned. "Alice is at the top of her class, I believe. Hopefully she'll be meeting me in Hogsmeade in a few weeks so we can catch up. I suppose I'll be regaled with all sorts of stories from Auror Academy."

He shook his head. "At least you'll know what to expect next year."

I scoffed. "Hardly! But what about you? Your father works with Auror trainees, doesn't he? You should know exactly what's coming."

James laughed. "I suppose so. We may end up competing for top of the class."

I smiled slightly and shook my head at myself, astonished at how much I loved to hear him laugh. "We'll see."

"James!" James and I both whipped around to find an agitated, panting Sirius trying to regain his breath. "God, I've been looking for you everywhere-Peter misplaced the bloody map-McGonagall's looking for you-your dad-injured-Mungo's-"

"What?" asked James frantically. "What happened?"

"We need to go, James, right now. I don't really know what happened, but we're flooing to Mungo's straight away...your mum sent for us. I… I think it's bad, Prongs." Sirius' voice was shaky.

James had gone very white. He reached into his back pocket and turned to me, pressing a mirror into my hands. "Tell Remus and Peter what's happened and give this to them."

He and Sirius turned and disappeared down the hallway.

I stared after them, feeling as though I had gone into shock. In that moment, I realized just how quickly someone's life could change. A few words and a wand could devastate a family forever. I didn't know if I could watch James deal with the sudden, violent loss of his father. How could the enemy place so little value on something as precious as life?

It took me five full seconds to regain my motor functions. I sprinted after the boys on wobbly legs. "Wait!" I called after them frantically, but they were already out of earshot. I slowed to a walk, wondering what I had been planning on saying anyway.  
>I gripped the mirror tightly and squeezed my eyes shut, as my feet continued unbidden along the familiar path to the Gryffindor tower.<p>

"Are you going to give me the password or not?" came the Fat Lady's irritable voice.

I started and my eyes flew open. "Felix Felicis," I mumbled. The portrait swung open to reveal Remus, looking sleepy and confused.

"Lily? Have you seen James and Sirius?"

I took a deep breath.

"Why haven't we heard from them yet?" I asked Remus tensely.

"They'll contact us eventually," Remus replied. The worry lines creasing his forehead belied his calm voice.

I rubbed my finger across the mirror, smudging it. I tried to clean it with my sleeve.

"Lily," Remus gently moved my hand. "There's nothing you can do about it. The Healers at St. Mungo's are excellent; if anyone can save Mr. Potter, they can."

"Have you ever thought about what it would be like to lose a parent?" I asked him.  
>"Especially if it was unexpected? Violent? A casualty of war?"<p>

Remus' brow tightened. "I think I can understand what it would be like."

"Then how can you be so calm?" I demanded, feeling unreasonably angry at the pale, composed boy before me.

"I'm just as worried about Mr. Potter as you are, Lily, probably more. I've spent half my summers with the Potters nearly every year since I was eleven. James is like a brother to me, and I don't want for him to have to lose a parent. But if he does, then I'll be there for him, just like he was when my father died in a Death Eater attack."

I froze.

"Besides," he continued evenly, "Mr. Potter may pull through."

"I'm sorry, Remus," I said, regretting my snappishness and insensitivity.

We fell silent for a while until Peter, who had been very quiet all morning, finally spoke up. "Do you ever worry that we're not on the winning side?'

Remus frowned. "You can't think like that. Besides, being the winner-the most powerful-isn't the point; justice is what we're fighting for."

"Even if I knew that our side was going to lose for certain, I couldn't try to hide from the war," I added. "Standing aside and letting evil happen is almost worse than what Voldemort's doing."

Peter didn't look convinced. "But what if we die?"

"Death isn't the worst thing that can happen," Remus said.

"I don't know," said Peter doubtfully. "I suppose."

"Oi! Lils!"

I jumped and nearly dropped the mirror. "Sirius!"

Sirius face disappeared for a moment then returned. "Are Moony and Wormtail there?"

"They're here," I said hurriedly. "How's Mr. Potter?"

"He's going to be fine," Sirius announced, relief evident in his voice. "The healers managed to contain the curse right away. He ended up losing a leg, but that's nothing-they thought he was going to die for a few hours this morning."

It felt as though my insides had just melted in relief-a strange and yet not altogether unpleasant sensation.

Remus leaned back and sighed, his worry lines smoothing out a little. "That's great news. Are James and Mrs. Potter okay?"

"James is still a bit shaken up-suppose I am too, a bit. Mrs. Potter's currently yelling at her husband." Sirius grimaced. "They're having a bit of a family tiff."

"What about?" I asked, bewildered.

Sirius sighed. "Long story. We'll tell you when we get back tonight. Mrs. Potter is insisting we don't miss any school, since he's going to be fine. We'll see you lot in in a few hours, yeah? I've got to go find a way to get some firewhiskey into James."

His face shimmered and disappeared, the mirror reflecting my own face once more.

I set it down carefully on the table and sighed. The day had been a whirlwind, and yet it felt as though it had been centuries since that morning.

"I'm going to go take a walk," I announced unnecessarily. Remus and Peter both nodded absentmindedly. "I'll see you at dinner."

The trip to the Owlery provided me with far too much time to agonize over my jumbled thoughts and worries. Mr. Potter's brush with death had set me thinking. It was inevitable that, in these times, we would all lose someone we loved-more than one person, most likely. My fingers tightened on my letters. Would I lose Alice? Marlene? James? My stomach clenched unpleasantly.

My parents could be in danger, as well. Petunia, too. Despite the mutual dislike between my sister and me, the thought of losing her still frightened me. How many innocent Muggles had been killed in Death Eater attacks labeled as freak accidents?

And no matter what, my thoughts constantly returned to James. I wanted to confess my feelings to him, I wanted to kiss him, have his arms around me. Forget, for a little while, the ugly, ugly world and the fear. I wanted to be with him for as long as possible before something happened. Before one of us died.

I tried to shake off the depression that was smothering me. I couldn't let the war force me into a living death. There was still joy in life. My love for James, my family, and my friends. Where there was love, there was often pain, but there was also joy.

Love was both my reason to keep living and my reason to put my life on the line.

And perhaps love would eventually be the reason we won the war.

**Review, please!**


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